// you're my c r a z y love .

eat you up.

2009-02-04T22:04:50Z

title: eat you up
author: xiahki
pairing: yoosu
genre: smut
rating: nc-17
summary: they haven't touched in other in weeks, and junsu is losing his mind.
a/n: this is a bribe for applesu because i'm an ~~awful~~ wonderful person and all that jazz. 8D also, ilu sazzy ♥

Kim Junsu had never really considered himself a sexual being. Sure, there was the s-line, the dancing, the charisma face and everything that he did for the fans, but when the day was over and it was time to go back home, he had always assumed that he was normal. He had desires just like anyone else, but never anything that made him spiral out of control.

That is, until the first time that he had sex with Park Yoochun.

Their first time had been extremely awkward. It was nothing close to perfect, but it was just enough to start a fire, to spread the disease. It awakened something inside of Junsu that he had never known existed, and he wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about that.

Yoochun wasn’t so concerned. He knew that Junsu was a kinky bastard, assumed he had always been that way, and life goes on. But it got a little bit more complicated when they hadn’t been able to kiss properly, let alone have sex, in a matter of weeks. Busy schedules and room assignments kept them apart, and it was only a matter of time before one of them snapped. The question was, which one of them would it be?

Yoochun thought that it would be Junsu, for sure. He knew the younger male inside and out, knew his body like the back of his own hand, and the signs weren’t easy to miss. Irritability, an unnatural stumble here or there during rehearsal, the way that his entire body would stiffen and still if Yoochun got too close. Every time Junsu looked at him, his eyes were dark and burning, and they made Yoochun shiver.

It came as a surprise, then, when he found himself suddenly unable to sleep, unable to do anything really and he decided, right then and there, that he needed Junsu. Now.

It didn’t matter that it was past midnight, or that they were staying in a hotel in Japan, or that they weren’t rooming together. Rationality was far gone, and Yoochun easily slipped out of his room and across the hall, tiptoeing inside to find a lump underneath the covers in one bed, and nothing in the other. Apparently their youngest had a craving for mischief as well, and Yoochun made sure to lock the door, just to be a bitch.

Junsu stirred, barely, and Yoochun made his way over slowly. Just the sight of the other was enough to make his heart beat faster, Junsu wearing nothing but a tank top and his boxers, the sheet covering just enough of him to be a tease. Yoochun licked his lips, reaching out with skilled fingers and lightly trailing them across Junsu’s throat, the side of his neck. He started to stir just barely, taking in a deep breath when he felt fingers walking down his chest, humming in satisfaction as they dipped lower.

Yoochun took it as encouragement and shifted closer, swinging one leg to the other side of Junsu’s body, leaning down to barely brush lips against his neck, hips resting on his abdomen. “Yoochunah?” Junsu murmured, voice husky with drowsiness and something else entirely, eyes fluttering open and trying to make sense of the touches. “Shh,” Yoochun hushed, and leaned down to capture Junsu’s lips underneath his own.

The kisses didn’t start off slow or soft. Junsu immediately moaned against Yoochun’s mouth, parting his lips and arching up into Yoochun hungrily. Yoochun took the invitation, skilled tongue slipping inside, curling against Junsu’s in all the right ways and pulling more moans and whimpers from the younger man’s throat, not pulling back until he felt Junsu’s fingers against his arms, hips moving impatiently underneath him.

“Yoochunah,” Junsu breathed, obviously desperate, eyes dark and hooded and pleading for more. “No teasing. I need you. Please.” He gasped as Yoochun moved to his neck instead, tongue hitting all the pleasure spots and making him tremble, teeth even worse, making him bite his own lip to muffle the almost screams begging for release.

Fingers strayed, easily slipping underneath his tank top and pushing it up, pulling lightly until it was over his head and somewhere on the ground, discarded. Yoochun’s was quick to follow, as well as Junsu’s boxers, but Yoochun stopped Junsu’s impatient fingers from ripping his jeans off just yet. Instead, he pulled something small and heart shaped out of his pocket, distracting Junsu with another kiss and pushing his fingers away. Junsu whined in protest, and Yoochun chuckled darkly. “Soon, babe,” he soothed, and then pulled back almost completely.

Junsu watched, barely coherent enough to be confused as Yoochun pulled something else from his back pocket, and in the next few seconds he realized that the heart shaped thing was a candle, and now he was lighting it. Once he was finished, he set it on the nightstand and returned to ravishing Junsu’s mouth.

Approximately fifteen minutes later and Junsu had lost every last bit of his coherency, trying to rub up against Yoochun for some sort of pleasurable friction and simultaneously trying not to whine too much when Yoochun pulled away once more. He returned sooner this time, pressing against Junsu’s lips just once before a completely different sensation took over his mind.

Something wet and fucking hot was dripping over his chest, and Junsu gasped at the pain that spiked a fresh wave of arousal, shooting straight to his groin. His head tipped back, eyes rolling into the back of his head just so and fingers clenching against the sheets.

Yoochun took the opportunity, dripping more wax along his exposed neck, throat, feeling Junsu’s cock twitch against his hip and hearing the high, needy moans spilling from his throat. The next thing he felt was more heat, warm and sensual as Yoochun licked a hot stripe up his neck, tongue trailing down over his chest to lap up the wax still left over there.

Junsu opened his mouth to say something, or at least to try, but he was immediately cut off by more of the wax dripping, slowly, this time all around his nipple. He was sure that he was going insane, but it was even worse when Yoochun leaned down to lick it off, tongue slow and careful, circling and flicking against the small nub in just the right ways. Junsu stuttered a groan, fingers pulling at the sheets, hips rolling impatiently.

Yoochun wasn’t finished yet, giving the other nipple the same treatment before drizzling more of the wax across Junsu’s stomach, slipping downwards, tongue pressing hard against tanned skin, teeth teasing just barely and making Junsu arch into the sensation, fingers leaving the sheets to thread through Yoochun’s hair instead.

Yoochun was so close, and he whimpered again, feeling like he might cry if this went on for too much longer. “Yoochun,” he begged. “Please. I want you.”

Yoochun said nothing, merely flicked his eyes back up to lock with Junsu’s, pushing down on his hips and giving him a devilish grin before opening his mouth and taking Junsu’s cock inside. Junsu’s mouth opened in a silent gasp, fingers pulling at Yoochun’s hair and body jerking involuntarily with his efforts to control himself. Yoochun just made sure to keep a firm grip, bobbing his head up and down, swirling his tongue around the head, anything he could do that he knew would drive Junsu crazy.

“Ngh,” Junsu groaned, tilting his head to the side and attempting to breathe. “Too much. Yoochunah, I’m gonna…”

Yoochun pulled back promptly, releasing Junsu’s cock with a small pop and watching the way that Junsu’s jaw clenched to keep himself from crying out at the loss, hips shifting instead, and Yoochun took the hint this time, shedding himself of the rest of his clothing in record time.

He picked up the small metal tin once again, smoothing his fingers through the wax and making sure they were slick before slipping them between Junsu’s thighs, easily finding his entrance. Preparation didn’t take long, especially not when Junsu wanted it so bad, thrusting his hips back against each one of Yoochun’s strokes.

There was just enough wax left for Yoochun to slick his cock, pulling Junsu’s leg over his shoulder before pushing inside, groaning at the tight heat. Junsu rolled his hips up almost immediately, giving a frustrated groan that was more than enough encouragement for Yoochun. He pulled out almost completely before thrusting back in, both of them groaning at the feeling.

Junsu arched closer, and the pace wasn’t slow or gentle. Yoochun couldn’t get enough, thrusting harder and faster with each choked moan from Junsu’s throat, fingers wrapping around his back, slipping slightly but staying just enough to hold him close, feeling the tremble that shook his body once Yoochun hit his prostate. “Yes,” he choked out, fingers holding onto Yoochun so tight that his nails were leaving half moons behind. “Yoochunah, there, harder…”

Yoochun growled against Junsu’s neck, letting his hips do the work, making sure to hit that spot over and over again, guided by the rising pitch in Junsu’s voice before everything exploded. Junsu cried out, his body stilling completely except for still bucking hips, pulling Yoochun over the edge with him.

It was over in a matter of minutes after that, Yoochun pulling back and flopping onto the bed beside Junsu, breathless and completely heavy with satisfaction. Junsu shifted closer, snuggling up to his side and barely had three seconds to try and remember how to breathe again before he was drifting back to sleep.

None of the others were any the wiser, until they found Changmin asleep in the hallway the next morning. Yoochun just giggled, an embarrassed Junsu trying to hide behind him, and Changmin vowed to never room with either of them ever again.

made of your eyes.

2009-02-01T04:02:17Z

title: made of your eyes
author: xiahki
pairing: yoosu
genre: fluff
rating: pg
summary: when yoochun's away, junsu gets lonely. and yoochun misses his xiah.

a/n: completely random, cavity inducing fluff. totally inspired by kiss the baby sky. especially the line 'my xiah.' oh, my fangirl heart. ♥ for applesu , cause what do i write that isn't?

Junsu had always had his favorite songs. Sometimes he sat in the living room with his earphones in, or secretly listened to music in his workroom when he was supposed to be getting something done. He listened to his music even more when Yoochun moved out, moved into his own apartment a couple of blocks over, and he found himself missing it more and more, because Yoochun’s compositions were always the best.

When the company announced that they would be using one of those compositions, Junsu had been just as excited, if not moreso, than Yoochun. When the single had been released, he had kidnapped their copy of it and none of the others had seen it since.

Junsu couldn’t get enough of it. He couldn’t get enough of Yoochun’s voice, and since nights were lonely, this was the best thing that he could get his hands on.

Tonight wasn’t much different. It was late, past midnight and the others had already retired to their rooms for the evening, since there was an early schedule the next morning. Junsu was still awake, sitting on his bed with his headphones, holding up one end to his left ear, eyes closed and losing himself in the melody, the sound of Yoochun’s voice.

My Hero … My Max … my Yunho …

And it was stupid, really. All kinds of stupid and childish and perhaps a little immature, the way that he did this just to make himself feel better, the way that he always ended up feeling worse in the end. He was more dependent than he liked to admit. Always had been, and he wondered if Yoochun knew that.

My Xiah …

His heart constricted, just like it always did. It tightened and then sort of erupted into ridiculous butterflies, the strangest sort of happiness falling over him at the tone in Yoochun’s voice just then. He could replay those two words forever, if he didn’t have any sort of manly pride left in his body.

Screw it. He didn’t need manly pride. And so he sighed deeply, shifting to get more comfortable as he tapped the rewind button lightly, letting those words wash over him again and again. My Xiah… My Xiah…

A shift of weight on his bed barely got his attention, but the feeling of gentle fingers massaging the arch of his foot got him to open his eyes, blinking in confusion. It took approximately thirty seconds for his eyes to adjust to the dark once more, the moonlight streaming in through his window and shining off pale skin, dark eyes that were focused on him with just a hint of a smile.

“What are you listening to?” Yoochun’s voice was dark, deep, just like usual. When Junsu didn’t answer, he reached down with careful fingers to swipe the headphones before Junsu could hide them away, bringing them to his own ear, a look of surprise crossing his features before a slight grin took its place.

“I-I just like the melody,” Junsu mumbled, cursing the sting in his eyes, but Yoochun wasn’t stupid. He saw everything that Junsu didn’t want him to see, and he chuckled lightly, fingers straying and curling around Junsu’s just to pull him closer.

The room fell silent except for the light rustling of clothes, whispering along the darkness as Yoochun pulled Junsu to him, arms wrapping around his back and nose resting against the side of his neck. He sighed, just barely, and Junsu shivered.

“My Xiah~”

Yoochun’s voice was warm, smooth like silk and washed over every part of his body, wrapped around him and held on tight. Secretly, he hoped that it would never let go, and he melted into Yoochun’s embrace perhaps a little too readily.

“Why are you here?” He mumbled, and felt the smile that Yoochun pressed into the side of his neck, that he tried to hide and failed. “I missed you, of course,” he murmured gently, fingers straying from their set spot against his back lightly; just enough to brush through fiery red hair, soft beneath his fingertips in the absence of hair gel or whatever else the stylists kept putting in it these days. It was better like this.

Junsu didn’t know what to say in response to that, and Yoochun felt the rise of heat in his cheeks, fingers straying once more to brush across soft skin, moving down to tilt Junsu’s chin up before leaning down to capture lips with his own.

The kiss started out just like they always did. Soft, small presses of lips that made Junsu giggle lightly into the spaces in between, fingers lightly slipping up Yoochun’s chest, tracing patterns over his heart. Gradually, slowly, they built into something more.

Yoochun sighed lightly into the kiss, each press lingering, just a little longer than the one before. Junsu let his eyes flutter closed, didn’t fight it when Yoochun gently lay down against the pillows, pulled Junsu down with him, never once breaking the kiss.

Junsu felt like he could die like this, his heart fluttering in his chest, stomach full of butterflies that were only multiplying with every new feeling of Yoochun’s lips. The feeling of his tongue, barely, questioning, was enough to send a shock down his spine and through his abdomen, just like always.

Yoochun kissed Junsu like he was drowning, like his life absolutely depended on it because he wasn’t really sure that Junsu could understand how much he really did miss him. How lonely it was inside that other house, even with his family and the added privacy. He lived for something else entirely. He lived for gentle smiles and laughter that was much too loud and fingers that held onto him tightly when he kissed him like this.

Yoochun did something with his tongue that made Junsu’s toes curl, fingers gripping onto his shirt and keeping him close. They stayed like that for what could have been hours, refusing to part until lungs were burning, screaming for air, and even then Yoochun moved closer, nuzzling against Junsu’s neck, pressing soft, loving kisses to smooth skin, unwilling to let the distance settle between them.

“I miss you,” Junsu said, his voice barely louder than a whisper, fingers smoothly slipping through locks of dark hair. Yoochun paused, pulling back just enough to look at Junsu fully, thoughtfully. “You don’t have to miss me,” he murmured. “I’m right here.”

“When you’re not here,” Junsu said, almost sheepishly. “I miss you.”

Yoochun’s gaze softened then, fingers gently massaging somewhere around Junsu’s hip, eyes loving as he looked down at him. His Junsu. His Xiah. And he missed him.

He leaned back down then, just enough to captures Junsu’s lips in another soft, slow kiss. “I love you,” he said seriously. “And I’ll come back if you’re lonely. All you have to do is call me, okay?”

Junsu nodded slightly, feeling a little too mushy for his own liking. He especially didn’t like the way that it felt like maybe, just maybe, he might start crying if this went on any longer. Maybe he did need that manly pride, after all.

“I love you, too,” he said, pinching Yoochun in the side teasingly. “My Micky~”

love machine. [2/?]

2009-01-20T17:08:26Z

title: love machine [2/?]
author:xiahki
pairing: yoosu
genre: smut/crack?
rating: r
summary: changmin thinks junsu needs a sex life. it comes as a special delivery.

a/n: i still have no idea. this is just as much crack as it was the first time around, but i do promise that ch. 3 will have some more length to it. ending is a little abrupt, but i couldn't come up with a better way to end it. had to have the cliffhanger! ;D serious thank yous to everyone who commented on ch. 1! i hope you all enjoyed it, and i'll do my best to reply to comments this time around. :) ♥ ♥

Junsu woke up the next morning to unfamiliar weight on his body, too much heat and it was nearly impossible to shift his arms over his head enough to stretch. Letting loose a groan of frustration and half confusion, he blinked his eyes open only to stiffen and then try backing up, knocking his head against the wall behind his bed in the process.

Yoochun was there, of course, sitting too comfortably on his hips and grinning that stupid, sleazy grin all over again. Junsu cursed himself for his morning wood, and Yoochun only leaned that much closer.

“How about a morning kiss?” he breathed, and Junsu silenced him with a hand over his face, pushing him backwards.

“I don’t want to kiss you,” he said. “And I don’t want to have sex with you, and I don’t really appreciate you trying to molest me in my sleep.” He managed to squirm and wiggle his way out from underneath Yoochun, stumbling to his feet and running a hand through his hair before smoothing down the sides with his knuckles.

Yoochun’s gaze dropped to the rather obvious party in Junsu’s pants, and Junsu let out a frustrated groan, snatching up a pillow to fend himself off as Yoochun advanced once again. “You! Stoppit!” he said, and attempted to give his best glare. Yoochun just grinned, eyes dancing with amusement.

“I am going to go take a shower and get ready for work,” Junsu said, slowly backing towards the door, still holding the pillow out in front of himself, grasping it with two hands. “And you are going to not come into the bathroom at all. Got it?”

Yoochun saluted him with two fingers, and Junsu let out a mini sigh of relief before turning to rush down the hallway and lock the door to the bathroom as soon as he was inside.

Not even fifteen minutes into day two, and he was already wondering if he was going to be able to make it through this.

--

Coming into work late wasn’t something that Junsu usually did, and Yunho gave him a simultaneously disapproving and concerned look as he grabbed his nametag and pinned it onto the front of his shirt. Junsu just shook his head, waving his hand in the air as if to dismiss the question before Yunho even asked.

Changmin was at his side in a matter of seconds, bumping into him roughly and nearly sending him flying into a clearance rack. “Will you watch where you put your body?” he grumbled, and Changmin’s only response was a chuckle and an arm thrown around Junsu’s neck, pulling him closer.

“What’s wrong, rough night?” he asked, that stupid grin all too knowing and too close to the looks that Yoochun kept giving him to make Junsu anything close to comfortable. “Yes, actually,” he said shortly, breaking away from Changmin’s almost headlock to start going through CD racks and making sure everything was in place.

“It’s not exactly a fun time, having a robot randomly mailed to your front door, and then trying to sleep while said robot continually tries to molest you. Oh, and it’s also not fun to wake up to said robot straddling you and—“ Changmin hushed him with a hand over his mouth, looking around quickly before removing it.

“Shut your mouth, you can’t just go around telling everyone! You think that shit’s out for the general public? No!” “Alright, alright!” Junsu backed away as gently as he could, pushing Changmin’s hands off of him and returning to his duties, trying to remember what in the alphabet came after B. “Chill, I won’t tell anyone about—“

“About what, Junsuyah? The reason why you’re into work nearly half an hour late?” Yunho’s voice made both of them jump, and Junsu swallowed hard, staring up at Yunho with too wide, too guilty eyes.

Yunho sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose to regain his composure. “Come on guys, what’s going on?” “Nothing!” Junsu and Changmin said simultaneously, both of their voices just a little too high, eyes still a little too wide. Yunho narrowed his own eyes , opening his mouth to speak but it wasn’t his voice that came out.

“Junsuyah~”

This voice was much lower, much greasier, and made Junsu kind of want to die. He squeezed his eyes shut as he turned around, not wanting to see Yunho’s expression until he at least knew that he wasn’t going crazy.

Right there, in the middle of the store, was Yoochun in all his naked glory, holding a bouquet of flowers and smiling like he had just won the lottery.

Yunho might have said something and Changmin might have started laughing or choking, Junsu wasn’t sure, because the next thing he knew he was staring at the ceiling and then everything had faded to black.

--

Junsu woke slowly, unwilling to open his eyes even though he knew that it was kind of necessary. Once the room swam into focus, he was surprised to find that it wasn’t the store where he remembered falling down, or even the break room in the back. He was back at home, tucked in bed, and could barely even remember what had happened.

He considered just going back to sleep, but a strange noise from somewhere else in his apartment quickly ruled out that option. Taking a deep breath to prepare himself first, he sat up. The world started swimming again, this time a little more dangerously.

“Ah ah ah, not yet, Junsuyah.”

The voice made him start, eyes squeezing shut in an attempt to clear his vision once again before reopening. And, once again, there was Yoochun in all of his naked glory. Though, as much as Junsu didn’t like to admit to it, it was much less shocking in this sort of environment.

Fingers were light against his shoulders, pressing until he laid back down, and for once he wasn’t yelling at Yoochun for touching him. “What happened?” he asked, still a little dazed.

Yoochun couldn’t help grinning just slightly, sitting himself on the side of the bed quite easily. “I dunno exactly. You went to work and I got bored. I decided to come see you, and the next thing I knew, you were passed out on the ground.” Junsu blinked at him, and the memories weren’t so distant anymore. Naked Yoochun. Disgusted Yunho. It was all starting to come back now.

“I thought you were waking back up when I was about halfway here, but then you just went out again. Been sleeping ever since.” “Wait, what?” Suddenly Junsu was confused all over again. “What do you mean, when you were halfway here?” “Oh, I carried you.”

Yoochun only smiled into the stunned silence, patted Junsu’s leg once before standing. “Don’t get up yet. You’re probably still unstable. Give it another hour or so.”

--

Another hour or so came and went, and next time Junsu wasn’t awakened quite as gently.

A loud sort of crash echoed throughout the small apartment, and he could hear the low, rushed murmur of voices even through his closed bedroom door. The room wasn’t swimming as much now, and he was sure that he would still be tired if it weren’t for the sudden adrenaline rush, accompanied by just a dash of fear.

He wasn’t left in the dark for long, however. It was only a matter of seconds before Changmin came barreling into the room, Yoochun close behind him, telling him that this wasn’t a good idea and he should really be more quiet. Both of them froze when they saw Junsu, wide awake and staring at them, and Changmin gave an uneasy smile.

“Just wanted to make sure you were still alive,” he said lightly, and Junsu grimaced. “No thanks to you. Now help me get up so I’m not being so useless.”

A few minutes and attempted gropes later and he was in the living room, feeling a little better about life and strangely touched by the way that both Changmin and Yoochun seemed to be worrying so much over him. But at the same time, it was kind of a pain in the ass.

“So what did Yunho say?” he asked, pulling his legs up onto the couch and shifting into a more comfortable position. Changmin snorted, settling down on the couch next to Junsu and shaking his head with a sigh. “He’s confused,” he answered, but the clearly unimpressed look he was receiving prompted him to continue.

“I told him Yoochun was your boyfriend so he’d get off my case. There’s still no explanation for the nakedness, though. You’ll have to come up with that one on your own. “

“You told him what?!” Junsu’s jaw dropped. He couldn’t believe this. First he was getting a sexbot mailed directly to his front door, and now he was going to be known by his boss for having a boyfriend who liked to bring him flowers while in the nude. Fabulous.

“I couldn’t think of anything else to say!” Changmin said indignantly, pushing himself off of the couch and heading for the kitchen, of course.

“You were the one who left me alone with him!” he continued, his voice distant, and Junsu groaned and leaned back against the cushions, covering his face with a pillow.

Another crash caught his attention, this one not quite as harmless as before, and the silence that followed was even more unnerving. “Junsu.” Changmin’s voice had an unnatural edge of desperation, and there was barely any time for Junsu to get up before he was in the doorframe.

“It’s Yoochun. There’s something wrong… We need to get him back to the company.”

It didn’t make sense, but Junsu couldn’t so much argue with the sense of sudden anxiety he felt at those words. And maybe just a little bit of terror.

he's so manly.

2009-01-12T21:38:57Z

title: he's so manly
author: xiahki
pairing: hosu
genre: fluff
rating: g
summary: junsu doesn't know how to shave, but yunho can teach him.

a/n: this is for applesu , cause she wanted hosu and i love her~ ♥

Kim Junsu thought that he knew everything there was to know about puberty. Of course he did, since it had changed his voice and his life and nearly crushed all of his dreams. But now, at the age of twenty two years, it was back with a vengeance and he wasn’t sure what to do about it.

It started innocently enough, a barely there problem that wasn’t much of anything but over time it became a problem that he couldn’t ignore. He sat up in his bed, fingers running over his chin thoughtfully and he was sure the stylist wouldn’t like this. Yoochun was gone, staying at his apartment like always and Junsu didn’t like to linger on that fact because it still made him feel a little bitter. Changmin was moving around loudly in the kitchen, talking to himself quite obviously, and there was a mysterious limp in the bed sheets where JaeJoong more than likely was.

Junsu could hear the sink running. There was one more option and he was more than willing to take it. He slipped out of bed with quiet feet and a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and padded across the hall. He nudged the door open lightly, barely peeking inside and Yunho was standing there, clad in nothing but a pair of sweatpants and concentrating heavily on shaving.

He’s so manly, Junsu thought, and for a moment he was breathless and he knew he wouldn’t regret his decision.

“Yunho hyung~” His voice was small and a little unsure, and he shifted from foot to foot, gaze directed towards the tile floor. Yunho looked up with an instant smile and leaned against the counter lightly. “What is it, dongsaeng?” he asked warmly, and he had always had a soft spot for Junsu.

“Ummmm.” Junsu bit his lip, still swaying slightly, and Yunho waited with a patient smile. “Well, there’s something going on that I think I need your help with.” Junsu watched as Yunho’s expression changed, his brow creasing slightly in concern that made Junsu’s heart tighten just a little. “What is it, Junsuyah?”

“No, it’s nothing bad,” Junsu said quickly, shaking his head and running fingers over his chin. “It’s just … this. It keeps growing, and I don’t know how to get rid of it.”

The confusion remained in Yunho’s eyes for a few moments before realization took its place, and he laughed, a warm sound that Junsu was sure he could listen to forever. If that wasn’t weird or anything. “You’ve never shaved before?” he asked, a hint of amusement in his voice now and Junsu shook his head, smiling sheepishly.

“Alright, I’ll teach you.” Yunho’s voice was decisive, and it was only a matter of seconds before Junsu was standing next to Yunho in front of the mirror, face covered in shaving cream and determination in his eyes. “Just imitate what I do,” Yunho said, and waited for Junsu’s nod of understanding before starting.

Halfway through the first stroke Junsu gave a small squeal, quickly pulling the razor back and watching as the red slowly blossomed on his skin. He was pouting in less than three seconds, and Yunho had to fight not to laugh again. “That’s alright,” he said, ripping off a piece of toilet paper and lightly dabbing at the spot until the bleeding stopped.

“There, good as new. Now, you can try again—“ “I don’t want to.” Junsu’s voice was small but serious, and Yunho stopped with slightly raised eyebrows, turning to see a Junsu still pouting and doing the swaying thing again. He sighed, but it was impossible to be mad when Junsu was being so cute.

“Do you want me to do it for you?” It felt like dealing with a child at times, but still Yunho couldn’t help the smile that came over his own face when Junsu nodded slightly, and he didn’t think twice about it.

Each stroke of metal against skin was done with extra care, Yunho making sure to be as gentle as possible and it didn’t take long before Junsu was clean shaven with no more cuts to show for it.

“Voila, smooth as a baby’s bottom! Now get out of here and get dressed. I need to take a shower and you’re not invited.” Junsu giggled and Yunho loved it, ruffling his hair before shooing the other out playfully and closing the door with a small click.

Junsu took a moment to pause, run fingers along his chin and smile before shuffling back to the bedroom to get dressed.

He’s so manly, he thought, and for a moment, he was breathless.

love machine.

2009-01-08T03:59:58Z

title: love machine [1/?]
author: xiahki
pairing: yoosu
genre: smut/crack?
rating: r for now
summary: changmin thinks junsu needs a sex life, and it comes as a special delivery.

a/n: uhh idek. i really, really don't. this happened because i was talking with applesu and she demanded robochun so. here's robochun! i have no idea yet how long this will be or what we'll happen, but it's all for her. ♥

Junsu was in the kitchen of his apartment, sleeves rolled up and clothing practically covered in what looked like green slime when the doorbell rang, making him jump and spill even more of the mess all over himself.

Maybe this new health shake recipe wasn’t such a good idea after all, and he cursed under his breath as he stalked to the front door, opening it impatiently. It had been a long day and he really wasn’t in the mood for—

“Hello, Mr. Kim?”

There was a silence that stretched miles and miles as Junsu took in the scene in front of him. The delivery man was normal enough, brown uniform, hat slightly off center, and a clipboard secure in his left hand. The only thing that was a little off was the fact that he looked incredibly uncomfortable. The reason was almost painfully obvious.

There, standing next to him, was a man that Junsu had never seen before in his life. He was a little tall and had smooth, creamy looking skin. He was also completely naked, and Junsu was struck with a strong urge to slam the door and go curl up on the countertop for a few hours.

“I believe … this is yours.” The delivery man checked his clipboard and the naked one grinned, gaze roaming south and Junsu tried to ignore the heat rising in his cheeks.

“I … I think there’s been a mistake,” he managed to choke out, shaking his head.

“Nope. Delivery to Mr. Kim Junsu, and this is your address, I would presume. No signature or payment required, it’s already taken care of. Enjoy.”

It was over in a rush, and then the naked stranger was letting himself in, standing much too close and with a smile that made Junsu feel much too uncomfortable. “Um,” he started, but the words caught in his throat as a finger smoothed over his cheek, and he watched breathlessly as the naked stranger surveyed the green mess before bringing it to his lips, tongue capturing the mess in a way that was much too sexual.

His eyes never left Junsu’s. “Hello,” he said huskily, and Junsu felt his knees starting to go weak.

For about three seconds, he considered saying hello back, perhaps asking the other if he wanted something to drink or doing anything that he could to get that gaze off of him. But then he remembered that this was a naked stranger in his house and that was a very pressing matter.

“…. Don’t move,” he said, holding his hands out in front of him as if that itself was going to steady the other or keep him in place. “Just … I’ll be back. Don’t move.”

There was still a mess in the kitchen to clean up, and Junsu had to get to the bottom of this naked man sitting in his living room.

--

“Oh, so you got your sex robot?” “My what?!”

Junsu’s voice was nothing more than a hiss, infuriated whispering as he crouched down on the floor, furiously scrubbing away at the green mess currently trying to bond with every surface in the room. He had his cell phone balanced between his ear and his shoulder, and Changmin’s easy laughter only made Junsu that much more pissed off.

“Sex robot, you know. Haven’t you seen the advertisements?” “No, thank you very much. I’m not a porn addict like some people,” Junsu shot back, but Changmin wasn’t put off by it.

“No need to thank me. Just think of it as an early Christmas present. Oh, and Junsu? Be careful with him. He was very, very expensive.”

The guilt trip was just a little bit too effective, and Junsu spent a few moments flailing around in anguish on the still slightly green kitchen floor before he heard footsteps and halted immediately.

The naked man was no longer in the living room. Now he was standing directly over Junsu, smiling at him once again and blinking a few times, slow and smooth. He lowered himself down into a crouched position at Junsu’s side, cocking his head slightly.

“Why are you on the ground?” “I-I told you not to move.”

That smile turned into an almost predatory grin, and those fingers moved to his cheek again, stroking the skin softly. “What’s your name, baby?” he breathed, and the flushing was back again, Junsu pushing those fingers away and scrambling backwards, knocking his head against the cabinet in the process.

He gave a small squeak of pain, fingers coming up to grasp the back of his head on instinct and the naked man was moving closer, that grin still there, almost amused now. Junsu flung his arms out to stop him from getting too close, breathing harder from his attempts at freedom.

“Junsu!” he said suddenly. “Junsu! Junsu, my name is Junsu, now please stop crawling towards me like that.” To his relief, the stranger stopped, but that grin didn’t disappear. “Junsu,” he repeated, his voice barely anything above a low purr, and Junsu didn’t like the way that it made his stomach squirm.

“Wh-what’s your name?” he stammered, and the stranger had that look going again. “Yoochun,” he said smoothly. “Park Yoochun.”

“… well, Park Yoochun,” Junsu started, running a hand through his hair and grateful that at least his voice was a little bit more steady now. “… Didn’t you come with clothes?”

Yoochun tilted his head curiously, eyes roaming once again. “Why would I need them?” he asked, and Junsu hadn’t noticed him shifting closer until there were fingers tugging at the collar of his shirt. “H-hey!” he stammered. “Stop that!” He shoved Yoochun’s fingers away again, but he was turning redder by the second.

“You don’t need clothes either,” Yoochun said, his voice a low, almost tempting murmur. “Junsuyah…”

“No! No. No, no, no.” Junsu was waving his arms around again, sliding further away before he pulled himself up to his feet, another deep breath and a long sigh. “Just. No. Okay? I don’t want to have sex with you.” It was the first time he had really seen an expression change on that face, and he watched as Yoochun’s eyes widened slightly.

“You don’t?” he asked, standing as well. “No, I don’t. And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to bed. You can … sleep on the couch. Or something.” He shook his head, pressing his palms against his forehead as he shuffled down the hallway.

Yoochun stared after him, blinking a few times before that grin slowly spread across his lips again.

--

Junsu was dreaming about something perfectly innocent. Going to a place filled with candy. Eating cakes shaped like dolphins, that sort of thing.

So the sudden jolt of pleasure between his legs made absolutely no sense.

He felt the choked gasp as he sucked it in through his lungs, a pause before the jolt was back again and this time it didn’t go away. He was still caught in that haze between sleep and consciousness, unable to do much but squirm slightly and blink his eyes open, his body feeling unnaturally hot.

“Junsuyah…”

His heart stopped when he heard that voice, familiar and much too close. His entire body stiffened and a cold dread dripped down his spine, not fully setting in until he felt that touch against places that weren’t supposed to be touched by robots or strangers and especially not robot strangers, and he shot up into a sitting position, knocking his head against Yoochun’s and falling back again, groaning in pain.

“What are you doing?” he forced out through clenched teeth, reaching down and fumbling slightly but eventually managing to grab Yoochun’s hands and push them off.

“You were enjoying it,” Yoochun responded, leaning down to lightly bite at Junsu’s ear, and Junsu shuddered before shaking his head, pushing him further away.

“No!” he said. “No! I said I didn’t want to have sex with you Yoochun, none.” “We aren’t having sex, Junsuyah. I was simply trying to pleasure you.”

Junsu paused. He hated the fact that his cock was definitely hard, and he hated even more that it twitched slightly in response to Yoochun’s voice. He noticed and grinned, but Junsu grabbed his hands before he could get going again.

“No,” he said again, more firmly this time, even though it was a little more difficult than he would’ve liked to admit.

“Yoochun. I want to sleep now. Okay?” Yoochun paused, then nodded. He did have to obey orders at least some of the time. Junsu nodded as well, sighing in relief before throwing the blankets off, slipping out of bed and towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Yoochun asked. “Bathroom,” Junsu called over his shoulder, and then he was gone.

It took him five minutes to finish jacking off, clean himself up with some toilet paper and when he left the bathroom Yoochun was leaning against the wall, grinning at him again.

Junsu sighed. This was going to be a long, long night.

my heart will go on.

2009-01-07T02:27:12Z

title: my heart will go on
author: xiahki
pairing: yoosu/yoomin (past)
genre: angst
rating: pg
summary: there's been an accident, and a miracle will come of it.

a/n: dang, i'm writing too much today. wtf is this title. D: this was kind of weirdly inspired by the movie john q, and my crazy mind. possible continuations? we'll see.

Yoochun was sure that that day would be seared into his mind forever, all of the broken bits and pieces fitting together to make the perfect tragedy.

It started with a phone call. He was in the shower and running late and he wouldn’t have jumped out just to answer it but something about the ring seemed off pitch and there was a strange clenching in his chest that he couldn’t explain. He scrambled to pick up the phone and dropped it twice, his voice hoarse when he finally choked out the hello and he knew that something was wrong the second he heard the sobbing.

There’s been an accident. There’s been an accident, he said, and those words were enough to change the course of Yoochun’s life forever.

--

Junsu was sure that that day would be seared into his mind forever, the way that the doctor’s voice sounded much too calm over his mother crying right next to him.

He had always had a weak heart, been born like that, but he never would have thought that it could go this far. It had started with a collapse, and now he was sitting on the cold table in a room in the hospital being told that he needed a heart transplant. His hands were shaking slightly, but he nodded when the doctors asked him if he were okay and his mother held his hand while they filled out the paperwork.

You’re on the list, the doctor said with a smile. You’re on the list, and now all we have to do is wait for a match.

--

Yoochun remembered it too clearly, remembered the beeping of the machines and the needles attached to him in all the wrong places. He remembered the way his eyes were closed and all that he wanted him to do was open them.

It was like a cruel punishment for something he couldn’t remember doing, and he spent days without sleeping, wandering around the hallways under the fluorescent lights and praying for a miracle. It was a useless effort and he supposed that there was something inside of him that had always known that, but it didn’t stop him from holding onto that last shred of hope, even for just a little bit longer.

The day that he left was the worst, the day that he had to watch that sheet pulled over his head and it was too much. It was over, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave just yet.

--

The news came almost immediately, and Junsu remembered it all too clearly. A miracle had come to them, something crazy and a little out there but it wasn’t too good to be true.

There was a match and they happened to be in the same hospital, the doctor was prepping for surgery and it wouldn’t be long. He would have a new heart and they wouldn’t have to worry about dying and he could live the rest of his life without having to worry about these problems. His mother was smiling, overjoyed, but Junsu couldn’t share that yet.

“What’s his name?” he asked softly. “Shim Changmin,” the doctor said, and unhooked the IV before wheeling him out of the room.

--

Yoochun waited for what felt like hours, sitting in a chair that was far too uncomfortable and feeling empty. He couldn’t leave yet. Didn’t want to.

It was taking much too long for Changmin’s parents to arrive, and he couldn’t fill out the paperwork on his own. When they finally came, Yoochun held Changmin’s mother in his arms and they cried together while his father looked on with distant eyes, removing his glasses for a moment to brush something back and then it was all business again.

They sat down while the doctor explained what was happening, and Yoochun felt that sense of emptiness all over again.

--

The surgery went well. Junsu was asleep the whole time and when he woke up he felt better than usual, smiling brightly and nodding whenever they asked him if he could breathe alright.

He still couldn’t shake that name out of his thoughts. Changmin. Shim Changmin, and he remembered distantly that the doctor had said something about an accident, and that he had been just a little younger. He felt a twinge of something in his chest and the words flew off his tongue before he had time to think about them. “Is his family here? Can I see them?”

The doctor hesitated, but something about the look in Junsu’s eyes pushed him past indecision.

--

Yoochun didn’t know how to feel when the nurse approached them, wondering if the transplant patient could speak with them. In that moment, it seemed like the most insensitive question possible. He couldn’t believe it was happening and he wanted to grab her and shake her and ask her if she understood that his life was falling apart and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

But then he saw him. A beautiful, lost, scared looking boy with big eyes who looked to be around his age, shifting from foot to foot and biting his lip nervously, dressed in nothing but a hospital gown.

“Junsu … Junsu! Mr. Kim, you’re not supposed to be out of bed, you need to be hooked up to your medication…” The nurse rushed to him, worry written all over her face, but he didn’t hear her.

His gaze was set on Yoochun, the pain in his chest, the overwhelming sense of loss and love that he felt just by looking at him. He watched the emotions wash over the other’s face, from anger to confusion and then something that looked suspiciously close to sympathy.

He didn’t realize he was crying until familiar fingers touched the wetness against his cheeks, fingers he had never felt before but had lost himself in too many times to count.

“Why are you crying?”

The voice was like music against his ears. A broken melody, dissonant, but it was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard.

“I feel like I know you,” Junsu whispered, and those words were enough to change the course of his life forever.

(accidentally) in love.

2009-01-07T01:17:26Z

title: (accidentally) in love
author: xiahki
pairing: homin
genre: fluff?
rating: g
summary: changmin's in love, and yunho likes to show him in the smallest ways.

a/n: for yuxo , cause i love her like crazy. ♥

7:00 a.m.

Changmin wakes up in a daze and the smell of dry cereal coming from the kitchen does nothing to make him move any faster. He’s all puffy eyes and yawns when he finally sits down at the table, too tired to see the way that Yunho looks at him but not too far gone for the butterflies to go away whenever a bowl of his favorite cereal is placed in front of him with bananas on top, just the way he likes it.

He looks up to say thank you but sees a plain white t-shirt disappearing around the corner, probably to get Junsu out of bed. Smiling to himself, he pokes the bananas around and wonders how he lived life without this.

10:00 a.m.

Photo shoots are always hectic, and there’s never really a moment of free time to be had. The constant flash of the cameras and calls and suggestions from the photographers manifest themselves in the form of a dull pounding in Changmin’s temple, and the rest of his smiles are forced. The butterflies come back when he feels fingers warm against his own and a light tug and Yunho is pulling him to the side even though there isn’t enough time.

Ten minutes of conversation is better than anything else, and he finds himself smiling and laughing just like normal, looking into those eyes and wishing that he could fall into them forever. The flash of the camera brings him back to reality, and the warmth slips away, but the tingle lingers.

1:00 p.m

Rehearsal is long and tiring as always, and even though it’s the sixth time they’ve run the chorus Yunho still has that look of determination that’s starting to slip away from the rest of them. Changmin can feel himself sweating and his shoe slips on the glass stage, nearly breaks formation but he pulls it together and he knows Yunho saw.

Yunho doesn’t say a word, but he flashes a smile that makes Changmin’s spine tingle and stirs those damn butterflies again. He can’t help but smile back.

3:00 p.m.

Changing rooms are always too crowded and full of noise, and there are usually about thirty different things going on at once. Changmin stares off while a stylist adjusts his outfit and moves pieces of his hair to the perfect angle, checking and rechecking before she’s satisfied enough to finally give him a moment of space.

Before he can even think about walking away, warmth sneaks up on him from behind, curling around his waist and snug against his right shoulder. He knows it’s Yunho and smiles, allowing himself a few seconds to fall into the feeling and not to worry about anything else. He thinks he might feel a brush of lips against skin but then there’s an interviewer coming in for a word before the show and the warmth pulls back, hesitating just barely.

7:00 p.m

The show is finally over and the changing room is chaos once again, a mess of towels and water bottles and discarded articles of clothing that make it too hard to think. Cleaning up always takes less time than getting ready, and they duck out of the hallway with bows and numerous thank yous.

In the van, Changmin makes sure to squeeze into the seat next to Yunho and holds his hand secretly in the dark, watching as Junsu falls asleep against Yoochun and wishing, for a moment, that he could be so open in front of everyone.

10:00 p.m.

Being home is a comfort, knowing that the day’s schedule is over even though they’ll have to get up and do it all over again in the morning.

JaeJoong gives them a knowing smile when he sees Changmin’s fingers still tangled helplessly in Yunho’s, pulling the older man towards his bedroom because Junsu already disappeared with Yoochun. It takes much less than ten minutes for him to get undressed and slip into the sheets, and Yunho isn’t behind.

Warmth is back, strong and secure and at times like these Changmin always wishes he wasn’t so tired that he can barely keep his eyes open. Yunho doesn’t complain, only holds him closer and smiles when Changmin gets out half the words he’s dying to say, the rest of them falling into an exhausted murmur.

“I love you, too,” he whispers, a kiss to the forehead and goodnight.

7:00 a.m.

Changmin wakes up in a daze and the sunlight streaming through the window coupled with the sound of JaeJoong singing in the kitchen aren’t enough to make him a morning person. He shuffles into the kitchen, yawning and rubbing swollen eyes and smiles when a bowl of his favorite cereal is placed in front of him, bananas on top, just the way he likes it.

strong baby.

2009-01-03T03:45:47Z

title: strong baby
author: xiahki
pairing: junsu/seungri
genre: idek. smut.. ish?
rating: r for definite sexual tones
summary: there's a stranger watching him, and junsu just can't resist.

a/n: this is written because of the strong baby mv, and i strongly suggest watching it before you read. seungri is so damn sexy, and the two of them together is one of those secret otps of mine. ♥ for applesu and jumoon , cause i know they share the suri love. :)

The bass was pounding in his ears, so hard that it seemed to blend with his pulse. It all melted into one, hot, and he moved with the beat even though his eyes looked for something more. Something to satisfy the strange hunger inside of him, the hunger fueled by rhythms and movement and sweat, everything tied together with the blinding lights flashing around them.

Distantly, a rose stood out in his memories. A face that he couldn’t quite piece together, but it wouldn’t be long.

His mind was hazy, and through hooded eyes, he watched a form enter the door, dressed in a suit and familiar in ways he couldn’t remember.

Those eyes, dark and full of mystery slid smoothly, gaze traveling across the bar. Searching just the same, lingering on one form before moving to the next. They didn’t stop until they got to him, and he felt the electricity spiking inside. He felt the danger before they had even touched, and after biting his lip once, he turned and slipped into the crowd, moving away.

He knew without looking that he was being followed. He could feel it in the air, in the way that that gaze never left, and he looked over his shoulder. Still there, still following, pushing his way past all the pretty faces on the floor, never once glancing their way, even through the short skirts and rolling hips.

Every so often the music would take hold of him again, a roll through his body, a twist of the spine, slight arch of the neck. It was never enough to keep him still, though. He refused to lose himself, refused to fall under this spell, and yet he felt it getting closer.

He felt the electricity along the back of his neck, a touch that wasn’t there, and he turned with his back against the wall. Stared back towards those eyes, still there. Still watching him. Still wanting him, he was sure, and his fingers spread gracefully against the surface, body dipping into the music.

The figure draws closer, lips barely parted and body sliding close enough to feel, but not close enough to touch. His fingers curl just barely somewhere near Junsu’s head, trail down the side of his face, smooth skin, enough to pull a shiver down his spine.

A ghost of a grin and the touches increase, finger trailing across his cheek, near his jaw, dipping underneath to tilt his chin up just barely. Just enough so that their eyes meet, and when he leans down, lips drawing closer, Junsu tilts his head up, eyes smoldering.

They sway like that, smooth movements in perfect beat to the music, lips parting and teasing but never touching. Fingers move up, lightly pushing back the hair from Junsu’s forehead before slipping lower, soft and scorching trail down his arm, lips moving closer again, claiming the sweep of his arched neck in a barely there kiss.

Fingers walk along the small of his back, unintelligible whispers in his ear, and he can’t say no. Wouldn’t want to in a state like this.

The next thing he knows they’re in the backseat of a car he doesn’t think he’s ever seen before, driven by someone he’s never met, but all he can focus on is the stranger still next to him. The touches have stopped but the electricity is still growing, striking sparks deep inside and he can’t stop himself from reaching out, fingers smoothing over impossibly soft skin, trailing down his chest, eyes still deep, dark and full of desire.

He doesn’t remember the car stopping. Doesn’t remember what the building looks like or walking up to the door. All he remembers now is the figure’s eyes, that stare, and the way his fingers feel all over every inch of him.

His shirt is unbuttoned and he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, staring as Junsu slides his way closer, arms wrapping around the strangers back, fingers sliding up to his neck, lowering himself on top of him with a barely hidden gasp.

That touch, scorching and leaving a trail of desire, smoothing up the back of his leg and Junsu’s fingers are hungry, slipping along his exposed torso, the groove of his muscles and around to his back. Fingers are on his back, teasing along his neck and still they sway together, lips dancing and teasing but never meeting.

Junsu’s head tips back just barely with desire, the heat rising somewhere in his chest and it’s starting to suffocate him. Those lips fall on his neck again, barely touching him in all the right places and the moan he wants so badly to release is caught somewhere in his throat.

He sways again, back and forth, desperate for a test. He comes close once, twice, and just when he thinks he’ll get what he’s dying for, Yoochun bursts into the room, singing loudly and a little off key.

“Come a little closer, crack, crack, crack, crack…”

He dances his way over to Junsu’s computer chair, shimmying around like an idiot and bending down to see what it was he was looking at. “Thought I heard Seungri coming from in here. It’s a good song, right? Crack, crack, crack, crack…”

Junsu’s glaring at him, doesn’t say anything, and Yoochun’s about to open his mouth to ask what the hell his problem is when his gaze just happens to drop slightly, and he happens to notice something very hard and very obvious sticking up through Junsu’s sweatpants.

“Ohhhh, I see. Well, sorry to have interrupted.”

He slips out of the room with a devilish smirk and a call of “JaeJoongah! Don’t we have Seungri’s number somewhere?”

Junsu lets his head fall back against the back of the chair and lets out a long breath, followed by a sigh of frustration. He runs a hand through his hair, and bites his lip before opening his eyes again. Stares at the screen for at least a minute before hitting the play button one more time, and he’s sucked in all over again.

Seungri really is a strong baby.

my everything.

2008-12-30T20:04:54Z

title: my everything
author: xiahki
pairing: yoosu
genre: angst
rating: pg
summary: you're the breath of life in me / the only one who sets me free / and you have made my soul complete for all time.

a/n: this is inspired by junsu's performance during his piano battle with taeyang on sbs gayo. he's truly beautiful, and i wanted to get some of that emotion into this? for my favorite. she knows who she is.

Park Yoochun has been sure from the moment that he met Kim Junsu that he’s an angel. An angel sent to Earth to help people (similar to the way he’s helped Yoochun, nurtured his heart back into working order and beyond).

Never before has he been so sure as in this moment, watching the sweat on his forehead glistening under the stage lights that are too hot, listening to the cheering of the crowd and the swell of Taeyang’s voice, watching those beautiful lips form the words along with him, watching the way he bobs his head just slightly and feels the music in every part of him.

Junsu has always loved music, and to Yoochun, Junsu has always been music. The sound of his voice is Yoochun’s favorite song, and as soon as his mouth opens and the first chord starts, his heart is aching, full of love and every other emotion that comes with perfection.

Born to sing. Born to make music and to take it everywhere, to show everyone what he can feel and to wear his heart on his sleeve, in his smile. The amount of emotion on his face amazes Yoochun, the way that his voice soars and breaks just slightly at the end of a note because he’s feeling the song so fully. It was never just music to Junsu.

The others who are with him backstage are talking in half hushed voices, but he can’t seem to make himself look away from this little piece of Heaven. He wants so much to close his eyes, to fall into the song and the sound of the piano, keys stroked and pressed to life by gentle fingers that he knows all too well, but he can’t.

He watches until the last note fades into the cheers of the fans, and then he looks away because he has to pull himself together. Junsu is perfection. Junsu is innocence. Junsu doesn’t know.

Junsu is beside him, eyes shining and slightly breathless and he’s smiling, smiling so big and beautiful that Yoochun just wants to kiss him breathless right there, wants to grab him and hold him and never let go because he’s in love.

Instead, he nods and gives him a pat to the shoulder, a smile in return. Good job, Junsuyah. Perfect job, he wants to say. You’re so perfect, Junsu, did you know that? Did you know that I think about you every night before I go to sleep? Did you know that I can’t get you out of my head? I know I make fun of you, but that’s because I’m a coward. I love you, Junsu. I love you, but I can’t tell you that. I’m sorry, but you’re my everything.

Junsu has no idea, but still he laughs. That little husky half giggle that he gives sometimes, shakes his head and pulls Yoochun closer, hugs him close just long enough for Yoochun to catch his scent, honey and vanilla and it’s anything he could’ve hoped for and more.

Thank you, Yoochunah. The moment has passed, the distance is safely between them but Junsu is still smiling and Yoochun almost catches himself staring.

He’ll wait patiently for the next time, and so he smiles.

cooking by the book.

2008-12-26T00:25:31Z

title: cooking by the book
author: xiahki
pairing: jinmin
genre: crack? idek.
rating: pg13
summary: jinmin fails at baking. they were always better at sex anyway.

a/n: a random little christmas ficlet of sorts for my lovely jin darling, anoukinparis . ilu bb, and i promise to write you some actual jinmin smut in the near future. ;D

Baking definitely wasn’t something that Changmin did on a daily basis. In fact, it wasn’t something that he could ever remember himself doing, and yet here he was, standing in the middle of the kitchen with flour all over his shirt. And his hair. And his face. And pretty much everything that it could possibly be on.

“Whoops,” Flash said, staring at him with wide eyes over the now almost empty bag of flour. Changmin sent him a glare, before moving to check the recipe sitting on the counter.

“It says we need a cup of flour,” he observed. “Not a kitchen full.”

“Don’t be a jackass. How do we know how much flour is a cup?”

“How am I supposed to know? Get a cup and fill it with flour, then put it in the bowl.”

And so this was the way that it went. They accidentally added one egg too many, got into a fight over the sugar and ended up throwing in the whole stick of butter in the end. And Changmin could only hope that, somehow, it would all be worth it in the end.

Finally, the cookies were safely in the oven and there was nothing left to do but wait.

Of course, since it was Flash and Changmin, the waiting didn’t take very long. It was only a matter of minutes, and then they were attatched at the lips, Flash backed up against the counter with Changmin up against him, fingers gripping the back of his flour covered shirt and showing no signs of letting go anytime soon.

It took the cookies roughly fifteen minutes to finish baking, and by that time Flash’s shirt was somewhere on the ground and the high pitched beeping of the timer seemed very, very distant.

In the end, Changmin wasn’t yet satisfied, and so the cookies kept on baking for another twenty minutes.
When somebody finally got around to taking them out of the oven, they were nearly black and smelled awful, and they came out of the oven with a large amount of smoke following suit.

“So much for the Christmas Cookies,” Flash said once he had finished coughing and regained his breath.

“Hey, we agreed that those were to be called Holiday Cookies,” Changmin countered, and Flash sent him a smack to the shoulder.

“Don’t be an ass. What are we supposed to do now?”

“Well … we could take a shower and get off the rest of this flour.”

There was a pause and a moment of heated eye contact before Flash started down the hallway.

“Merry Christmas to me~” he called, and Changmin couldn’t bring himself to correct him this time.

evergreen.

2008-12-25T19:29:07Z

title: evergreen
author: xiahki
pairing: homin
genre: fluff
rating: pg
summary: yunho and changmin go shopping for the perfect christmas tree.

a/n: so this is probably the most fail fluff ever but i tried? rofl. a little christmas present for my darling, my favorite, yuxo ♥ ♥ ♥ i love you so freaking much, and i hope you like this ficlet. ^^ i'll probably write you sth else at a later time that i can spend more time on, like smut or sth. but i thought fluff was appropriate for christmas~

Christmas was always something that Changmin found rather strange and confusing. Even after endless hours of frantic research with his laptop on his lap and his hair pulled back for serious concentration, he still didn’t understand the trees or the lights or the presents.

The one thing he did understand about Christmas was the smile that it brought to Yunho’s face, and he decided that that was reason enough to go along with it year after year. And so he helped as Yunho went around putting up random decorations that he got from who knows where, and once all of the lights and tinsel and random Santa Clauses were up, they both stood back to survey their handiwork.

Changmin was satisfied, but when he looked over at Yunho, he didn’t see the same satisfaction mirrored there. Something was missing, and it hit him all too easily.

They were missing that godforsaken tree, and Changmin looked towards Yunho with a barely hidden grin.

“Let’s go shopping.”

And now, he was standing outside, freezing half to death and surrounded by families and the overwhelming smell of pine. He had never been shopping for a Christmas tree, obviously, and he really had never been surrounded by so many at once.

Yunho was shifting through the different choices, looking at them carefully, feeling branches and measuring height with his eyes. Changmin hung back slightly, arms folded tightly around himself, wishing he had worn more layers.

“What do you think about this one?”

Yunho’s voice brought Changmin out of his mini trance, and he ducked through the trees to find him.

The tree that he was standing by was completely ridiculous. It was missing leaves in some areas, some of the branches seemed to be malfunctioning somehow, and it was crooked. Changmin stared at it for a few long moments, but it was obvious that Yunho was being completely serious.

“… really?” Changmin finally asked, and Yunho nodded with a sure smile. “Really really.” “But … it’s dying. And crooked. And … diseased.”

Yunho sighed slightly and walked up behind Changmin, warm arms wrapping around him and holding him tight, smiling just barely. “I think it’s the perfect tree.”

Changmin was powerless against him, and an hour later they were attempting to set up the thing in the middle of their living room.

It took much too long and required more effort than Changmin ever would’ve expected, but soon enough it was over and the diseased tree was in the very center of their living room.

“I really think it’s dying,” Changmin said skeptically, surveying it with his hip cocked to the side and one hand resting on it, the way that the others liked to tease him for standing. Yunho tried not to laugh as he flung his arms over Changmin’s shoulders, leaning down until their noses were touching.

“It’s perfect,” he argued, and Changmin decided that when Yunho was this close to him and smiling and his stomach was doing weird acrobatic routines, there was no way to argue.
Instead, he made a sound that sounded kind of like a dying animal, and this time Yunho did laugh before capturing his lips in a slow, easy kiss.

“Merry Christmas,” he murmured, the words low and smooth and caught between their lips, but still, it made Changmin smile.

“Happy Holidays,” he teased back, tugging on Yunho’s hand lightly to pull him down the hallway.

And he was sure that this was what it would be like with them for years to come. Not always perfect, with varying religions and opinions and Christmas trees falling apart. But at least it would be love.

let it snow.

2008-12-25T07:14:03Z

title: let it snow
author: xiahki
pairing: yoosu
genre: fluff
rating: pg-13ish?
summary: there's something about the snow that makes junsu a little too excited.

a/n: this is just a little holiday ficlet for my darling applesu . ♥ ilusm bb, and i wanted to write you some yoosu to send with your card, but i didn't. :(( so here it is instead! also, a huuuge thank you for yuxo for betaing. :)))

The first rays of morning light came through the partially open blinds much too soon for Yoochun, spilling over white sheets and hitting him square in the face. He groaned impatiently and rolled over, fingers reaching up to find his pillow and yank it back down over his head. It took a few more moments for him to realize that there was something missing. There was a chill on his right side that wasn’t supposed to be there, and a peek into the unwanted sunshine with squinted eyes showed him why.

Junsu was the culprit, peeling back the curtains smoothly with one hand, face basked in the sunlight and for that one strange barely awake moment Yoochun thought that he looked like an angel. He turned when he heard the sound of sheets rustling, just barely, and smiled. Yoochun’s breath caught in his throat.

“Yoochunah,” he said, his voice almost too soft, and released the curtain. It fell back against the window, engulfing the room in shadows once again, but Junsu moved forward with a grin on his face and a glint in his eyes that let Yoochun know that he wouldn’t be getting any extra sleep.

“It’s snowy outside.”

And those were the words that had started this whole adventure.

Now Yoochun was much more awake, and also much more freezing, standing outside in their front yard and watching as Junsu ran around like a three year old in the powerdery white substance, trying to gather enough of it together to make a snowball.

He was torn between going back inside and telling Junsu that it was just too damn cold out here or just sitting down to wait until the other was finished, but then Junsu ran up to him with red cheeks and bright eyes and a wide smile and there was no way he could be the reason for that to go away.

“Yoochunah,” he said, breathless and full of childish excitement. “Let’s make a snowman.”

Yoochun hadn’t made a snowman. In fact, the last time had probably been back when he was in gradeschool, but even so he agreed to helping and it became a much heavier task than it ever really needed to be.

Together, they rolled and packed the snow , Yoochun laughing at a pouting Junsu whenever his foot slipped and sent him tumbling over into the snow. Junsu had stood up and promptly launched an ice ball into Yoochun’s face, and that had started a war between the two of them.
It didn’t come to an end until fifteen minutes later, when Junsu had ice crystals forming in his hair and Yoochun was bleeding from a well aimed hit to his forehead.

“I thought we were making a snowman, not killing Yoochun,” he grumbled sourly, and Junsu shushed him while pressing a cool washcloth to his head. They had abandoned their previous mission in favor of bandaging up and defrosting, and now they were practically laying on each other on the couch, Yoochun propped against the arm and Junsu settled comfortably between his legs.

“I think you’ve made it through the worst, soldier,” he commented mockingly, pulling back the washcloth once the bleeding had stopped. “How many fingers am I holding up?”

“Sixty two,” Yoochun responded, grabbing Junsu’s hand in his own and squeezing. Junsu snorted, and Yoochun grinned despite himself.
Junsu shifted, just barely, and their noses were nearly touching. A few seconds later and Yoochun’s lips were on his, soft and warm and everything that he could ever asked for wrapped into one touch. He didn’t know what it was about snowy days that always made his heart so light and full, but he loved it almost as much as he loved the warmth slowly spreading all the way down to his toes.

Yoochun pulled back and Junsu stared up at him stupidly, looking thoroughly kiss dazed.

“What d’you say we put off Frosty and do something warmer?” he asked, fingers light and trailing across Junsu’s jaw. Junsu flushed lightly at the touch, fighting the urge to look away. “Like what?”

“I dunno…” Yoochun shifted underneath Junsu, pulling him more fully on top of his body, smiling at the small squeak and the wide eyes he got in response.

“We could make some gingerbread.”

Junsu pouted, bringing two fingers up to press against Yoochun’s bandage until he yelped, and then straightened up with a sudden, devious grin.

“Where are we going?” Yoochun asked, sitting up and rubbing his forehead, watching as Junsu gracefully rolled off of him and started towards the door. He paused with fingers on the doorframe, just long enough to give Yoochun a look over his shoulder.

“I think I saw some mistletoe in the living room.”

toxic.

2008-12-16T03:22:00Z

title: toxic
author: xiahki
pairing: yoosu
genre: angst
rating: r (for sexual undertones)
summary: my love, if i am under the swinging of your legs, if i am drowning in the swaying of your hips, this is heaven, this is my heaven.

a/n: just a little angst even though i should be studying for finals. inspired by a couple of things, mostly two songs. it started off inspired from toxic, and ended up more along the lines of a song called labios compartidos, by a band called mana. it's a great song. also, please do me a favor and check out my request post. let me know if there's anything you want to see! :)

Dripping, pooling and shimmering over tanned skin, muscles flexing below the surface, each line sculpted to perfection and beyond.

His sweat is like poison and you drink it greedily, loving the way it sits on your lips.

Hips move, curve and sway in perfect rhythm. Every motion is careful planning and fluid instinct, his music is perfect silence and ragged breath and the sound of your voice, hoarse and begging for more.

He dips down, goes under and plunges you farther into insanity, pulls you with him and lower and lower until you can’t breathe. He knows how to make you crazy, knows what to do to get you right at his feet.

His hips sway in perfect rhythm as he walks away, leaving you with the memories of a toxic touch and wishing that he would come back. Wishing for more than the whisper of desire and the scent of sin he leaves in the air.

Patience is a virtue, and tomorrow he’ll smile at you with those big eyes and that infectious laugh and once the lights are out and the world isn’t watching, he’ll come back for more.

And you can never say no.

gasp, request post?

2008-12-16T03:16:25Z

hey guys!

so i know i had a post kinda like this at my other journal, but hopefully this one will be a little different/more organized? :D

basically, i want requests. what would you guys like to see from me? a challenge is always nice, though i would prefer something with junsu in it, honestly. i'm not too afraid to venture into other pairings, though. :) i love requests in the form of lyrics, words, phrases, ideas. those are always fun. but specific ones can be fun, too.

i'll try to do as many as i can. you may get a drabble, flashfic, oneshot... just whatever i can come up with. if you're looking for something super-specific, let me know and i'll try my best!

happy birthday junsuuu!

2008-12-15T04:02:17Z

title: happy birthday, dolphin boy
author: xiahki
pairing: yoosu
genre: fluff/smut?
rating: nc-17
summary: junsu doesn't want to be another year older, but maybe yoochun can show him that it's not that bad.

a/n: HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUNSU. ♥ ♥ ♥ ilusfm, boy. you better have a great one.

December fifteenth started off as a normal day. The morning was quiet, silence broken only by shuffling in the hallway and murmured grunts and groans of displeasure at another night of not enough sleep and too bright sun coming in through the windows.

Nothing strayed from their everyday schedule until about midafternoon, when they all crowded into a conference room and presented him with a small cake, candles crooked and letters written in JaeJoong’s almost too sloppy handwriting, but it was still special. It was special enough to make him smile as he blew out the candles, making a silent wish and laughing along with the rest of them whenever Yoochun ate too fast and nearly choked to death on a backup of too much cake and not enough room to breathe.

The rest of the day went as planned, jokes about his age here or there or a light ruffling of his hair or a nudge in his side. Nothing too out of the ordinary, but it still left him with a strange feeling that he couldn’t really place.

Goodnight came early for most of the others after a long day of dance practice and interviews and so many other things that it all started blurring together. He smiled again, and then curled up into a blanket on the couch, anticipating the warm feeling of arms around him before they ever came.

“Junsuyah.”

He smiled despite himself, leaning into the warmth and giving a small sigh of content, feeling the grin against his neck as his fingers started to play with Yoochun’s lightly.

“Happy birthday, dolphin boy.”

Junsu scrunched up his nose then, pinching Yoochun’s finger until he yelped and then pouted.

”What was that for?”

“Don’t tell me that.” Junsu’s tone almost sounded angry, but the way that he was subtly trying to somehow bury himself into the front of Yoochun’s shirt gave him away.

“What’s wrong, babe?” Yoochun’s tone was nearly mocking, but more sincere as fingers came up to stroke the back of Junsu’s newly dyed hair. He kind of missed the red, really.

“Don’t like the thought of getting older?”

He was only teasing, trying to pull a smile out of the younger because serious was for the cameras, not for birthdays. But apparently serious was for now, too, and the lack of response from Junsu spoke loud enough.

“Aweeeee, Junsuuuu~”

Yoochun’s cooing over him only angered Junsu further, and he squirmed slightly, attempting to worm his way out of the older male’s grip around him. Yoochun refused, grip tightening and he only smiled wider, snuggling shamelessly against the younger male the best that he could.

”Don’t worry. You’re not up there yet.”

Junsu somehow managed to twist his nipple, and Yoochun yelped. Junsu showed no mercy.

“Not helping.”

Yoochun pouted, and they fell into silence. Fifteen minutes later, he decided he couldn’t take it anymore.

“Okay, birthday boy. Up you go.” He unwound his arms from around Junsu’s torso, pushing himself up off the couch, pulling Junsu up with him.
“
I think it’s time I gave you your present.”

--

Yoochun’s fingers traveled smoothly down Junsu’s back, dipping and curving in all of the right places to make Junsu moan and shake underneath him.

His fingers were hot, nearly burning the sensitive skin. But the icing was a contrast, cold and silky smooth over the stretch along his back, enough to make him shudder and whine.

“Y-Yoochunah.” “Shh.” Yoochun shushed him gently, leaning down just enough to lick a hot stripe through the chocolate, reveling in the salty sweet flavor of sugar mixed with sweat. It was addicting, and Junsu cried out when he went back for more, fingers clutching the sheets.

Yoochun didn’t stop until he was clean, and then he planted slow, wet kisses all the way up Junsu’s spine, not stopping until he reached the nape of his neck.

Junsu whimpered slightly, and Yoochun turned him over swiftly, leaning down for a kiss that was rough and desperate and full of too many things to count. Junsu surged up into him, back arching and fingers scratching against skin for something to hold onto. He was going insane, and that was obvious. But Yoochun wasn’t done just yet.

The silky smoothness of the chocolate was back again, spreading slowly over his throat, and Junsu tipped his head back, mouth open wide, panting harshly against the pleasure. It only increased with Yoochun’s tongue, licking and sucking at the sensitive skin, pulling out whimpers and moans that made him tremble slightly.

He licked him clean once again, giving another small bite for good measure before he dipped lower.

The light, feathering touches crept lower and lower, ghosting over Junsu’s collarbone, his chest, stomach… He paused at his naval, slipping a chocolate coated finger inside just so he could lick it clean afterwards, grinning at the way Junsu raised into the touch.

“Yoochun … Yoochunah,” he panted, and Yoochun grinned against his skin, knowing what that voice, those whimpers meant.

“Patience,” he soothed gently, and then that smooth cool substance was back again, this time smoothing over Junsu’s inner thighs.

He whined deep in his throat, fingers fisting the sheets, pushing his hips in the air and desperate for contact.

Yoochun knew just what he was doing, expertly avoiding the area he knew Junsu wanted him to go for most, taking his time with long, slow licks through the icing, making sure that he got every last bit of it off.

Junsu felt more and more of his sanity leaving him with every swipe of Yoochun’s tongue, and once it was gone he was a trembling, incoherent mess underneath a grinning, almost satisfied Yoochun.

“Are you ready?” he asked, voice low and deep, and Junsu had barely stuttered out an answer before Yoochun was already prepping him, fingers coated with the lube that Junsu hadn’t noticed existing, and he already wanted more. His hips rocked back into the feeling, and he was already begging for more.

Yoochun decided he had had enough teasing, Junsu was the birthday boy after all, and so he quickly removed his fingers and replaced them with his cock.

Junsu threw his head back and moaned, high pitched and needy, and Yoochun was sure that he could easily come from the sight alone. He lifted Junsu’s leg and positioned it over his shoulder, wasting no time in going slow or shallow.

His thrusts were deep and quickly started picking up the pace, hips angling in the perfect direction to make Junsu scream underneath him.

Junsu was sure that he was going to die from a pleasure overload. He was moaning and writhing and screaming and practically sobbing underneath Yoochun, who was thrusting hard and fast and hitting his prostate every fucking time.

It was so good that it hurt, and Junsu knew that he wasn’t going to last long.

“Yoochun, Yoochun, shit, shiiit, I can’t, ungh, I’m gonna, fuck—“

It ended swiftly, one last, whimpering moan punctured with a cry of Yoochun’s name, Junsu’s body shuddering before relaxing underneath him, Yoochun stuttering a groan into sweat slicked skin before they fell into nothing more than harsh pants and mumbled curses.

It took a few minutes for Yoochun to finally roll off of Junsu, the latter giving a slight groan for no reason in particular before rolling after him, deciding to be snuggly and take a spot against Yoochun’s side, half on his chest.

“What’s this?” Yoochun asked, still breathing harshly and only half coherent. “I thought you were mad at me.”

“I was,” Junsu said lazily, smiling with his eyes closed. “But then I forgave you.”

“Mmm.” Yoochun pulled him closer, snuggling against him shamelessly.

“Is it safe to tell you Happy Birthday now?”

Junsu giggled, halfway through a yawn, lazy and spent and completely and thoroughly fucked. “I guess so.”

“Happy Birthday,” Yoochun said, planting a kiss on the side of Junsu’s neck.

“Love you,” Junsu mumbled, already half asleep. “See you when I wake up tomorrow afternoon.”

“Love you too,” Yoochun responded with a grin. “And just you wait. Next year will be even better.”

don't stop me now

2008-12-12T23:27:39Z

title: don't stop me now (or the time that junsu broke the headboard)
author : xiahki
pairing: yoosu
genre: smut/a little crack?
rating: nc-17
summary: junsu gets a little too excited, and the headboard suffers the damages.

a/n: i hate myself for failing at hiatus. this is 100% applesu 's fault cause she wanted smut with junsu topping so i decided to write it for her? ♥ this is so much longer than i ever meant for it to be fkdjlkjdgf. i'm sorry if it fails at all. i wrote it while on nyquil :'D

Yoochun bent over gracefully, the muscles in his back rippling under his skin, a fresh sheen of sweat already covering his body. He was breathing in short, hard spurts, panting, going insane with every passing second. He managed to pull himself up just slightly, balancing on his knees, fingers gripping the wooden headboard of the bed to keep himself steady.

“Junsu.” His voice was low, dripping with desperation and desire and all of it was just enough to make Junsu smirk slightly, tongue running over his lips just as Yoochun looked over his shoulder, back curving into a perfect arch with the motion.

The breath caught in his throat, and Yoochun thought he saw something flash in Junsu’s eyes.

“Fuck me,” he whispered, and Junsu didn’t need to be told twice.

He made his way closer, taking his time, hips swaying slightly as he walked and gaze concentrated firmly on that stretch of skin halfway down Yoochun’s back. He watched as a bead of sweat made a slow trail down his skin, and he wanted to taste it.

The bed shifted just barely under his weight, balanced on his knees and he started at Yoochun’s ankle, lips brushing against skin so light that they were barely there at all. Yoochun shifted slightly, whimpered, and Junsu placed a hand on his hip to keep him there.
He continued with his slow torture, lips trailing up Yoochun’s leg, past his backside, through the curve in his back. His tongue came out to taste that stretch of skin, and it was salty sweet. Yoochun was shaking slightly under him.

“Shhh,” Junsu soothed lightly, the whisper falling between Yoochun’s shoulder blades. His free hand came from the other direction, smoothing over Yoochun’s neck and circling around to trail over his chest, his stomach, carefully avoiding the area between his legs and going for his thigh instead, massaging the sensitive skin with slow, even circles.

The soothing was doing little to help Yoochun’s throbbing erection, and if he hadn’t been too horny to even think straight, he might have considered punching Junsu in the teeth.

“Tease,” he grumbled, and Junsu chuckled darkly against the back of his neck before planting a wet, lingering kiss on the sensitive spot near the nape.

“Touch yourself,” Junsu whispered, the words hot against Yoochun’s ear, followed by the flick of a tongue and another whimper from Yoochun’s throat.

He didn’t argue, and Junsu watched as his fingers wrapped around his own cock, watched as he stroked himself slowly at first, then faster as he turned his head to the side and his gaze met Junsu’s, watching him watch him with half lidded eyes.

Yoochun let out a low, slightly shaky moan, and Junsu quickly fished the small bottle of lube out of their bedside table, flicking open the cap and letting a generous amount of the silky substance flow into his palm.

He smoothed it over his fingers, making sure that they were as slick as possible before wrapping one hand around Yoochun’s torso, his other coming to press lightly against Yoochun’s entrance, teasing before slipping one finger inside.

Yoochun moaned, body tensing and then relaxing, hips pressing back for more. He wasn’t as accustomed to this as Junsu was, but he couldn’t deny the way that it felt so fucking good.

Junsu took his time, pressing in a second finger only when he was sure Yoochun was ready, scissoring them to ensure that he would be as prepared as possible. He didn’t stop until Yoochun was moaning at regular intervals, breathing hard and pushing back into every stroke of Junsu’s fingers.

“No more,” Yoochun panted, breathless and shaking slightly with pleasure and anticipation. “Please, need you in me now.”

Another small click and Junsu coated his own erection with more of that silky substance, letting out a hiss of pleasure and watching as Yoochun’s head tilted instinctively towards the noise.

Junsu shifted closer, hands running over the skin of Yoochun’s back before smoothing down to settle at his hips, one leaving to help position himself, pressing into Yoochun slowly and unable to bite back the groan that came with the sensation.

Yoochun was tight. So much so that it was almost painful, clenching around him in all the right places and he bent his body over the older male’s, lips finding the sweeping curve of Yoochun’s neck, falling into the small dip in the center that could make him moan and scream as much as Junsu pleased.

“Please,” Yoochun whispered, and Junsu grinned at the desperation there.

“Please what?” he asked, fingers tracing patterns of fire and sin everywhere he could reach.

“Fuck me,” Yoochun begged once again, voice trembling this time, sweating simply from the effort of keeping himself upright and not falling over the brink of insanity.

One more kiss against heated skin, and Junsu was done wasting time.

Junsu fucked Yoochun just the way he knew that he liked it. His hips moved like ocean waves, in smooth rolls and snaps, and he never worried about being gradual or starting small. He was always the same, always consistent. His thrusts were long and deep and he did whatever he could to keep Yoochun rocking and moaning underneath him.

Yoochun grasped desperately for something to keep him steady, fingers finding the smooth wooden surface of the headboard, nails closing in for dear life and hoping it would be enough to keep him from drowning. He was already losing himself in the sound of his own voice, “Junsu, Junsu,” over and over again until he couldn’t remember what the syllables meant anymore, they were melting on his tongue.

He was losing himself in the way that Junsu was panting harshly against his neck, stuttering groans and whimpers in his ear, fingers tight around his hips and holding him there.

The sudden streak of pleasure through his spine was like lightening, so good that it almost hurt, rocking him to the core and back again and it was only the first hit against his prostate. Junsu took notice of the way he cried out, tensed under and around him, making an effort to do it again and again and Junsu always knew what to do to drive Yoochun insane.

He gave himself over to his body, hips working like they were made to, beads of sweat trailing down his back and his lungs almost burning from the effort of breathing. Junsu never was good at being patient, and the tighter the ball of pleasure in his stomach clenched, the faster, harder he fucked Yoochun.

Neither one of them had noticed the rhythmic thumping against the wall, or the way that the force of Junsu’s body was driving Yoochun’s forward into the headboard, knocking it against the wall.

That is, until it broke in half through a jagged line and fell apart, Yoochun slipping and nearly falling. Junsu wasn’t fazed, simply growled slightly before flipping him over, fingers slipping down to pick up one of Yoochun’s legs and position it over his shoulder, entering him again that way and picking up where he had left off.

Yoochun moaned loudly from the new position, back arching at the way that Junsu was hitting all the right spots inside of him, fingers clutching at the bed sheets and the pleasure threatening to suffocate him.

It came to an ending without much warning, Yoochun’s body shaking uncontrollably and then stilling almost completely, a choked moan catching in his throat. Junsu wasn’t long after, pushing his hips forward one more time, angling them in just the right spot, his features scrunching up and then smoothing out in pleasure.

Junsu pulled out of Yoochun and practically collapsed on top of him without much ceremony, sliding his leg to fit comfortably between Yoochun’s taking his time in catching his breath, coming down slowly from his high.

Yoochun was the first one to break the silence. “You broke the bed,” he said.

“Gross,” Junsu complained at exactly the same time, though he was referring to the way that they were sticking together and both in dire need of a shower.

“But you broke it,” Yoochun complained, only coherent enough to keep repeating himself. “You broke the bed, broke it right in half.”

“Shut up,” Junsu muttered, and he managed to stop the flow of words with a few slow, lazy kisses to Yoochun’s lips.

--

The breakfast table was eerily silent. Yunho was sitting at his place at the table with the stance that meant I’m-angry-about-something-but-I’m-not-going-to-bring-it-up-just-yet. It was the kind of thing that could make anyone suffocate with anxiety.

Especially Junsu, who knew exactly what was going on and was really no good at lying, so he focused his gaze on his plate and nowhere else.

Finally, Yunho put down his fork and cleared his throat. Time may have stopped for just a moment.

He stared at Junsu, and Junsu tried not to cower into Yoochun too much.

“Changminah,” Yunho finally said, voice serious. “Would you like to explain to my why the headboard of your bed is currently being held together with nothing but ducktape?”

Changmin nearly choked on his rice and JaeJoong had to practically abuse him to get it out. Yunho took this as embarrassment rather than shock, and wheeled Changmin off to the bedroom for a lecture.

Junsu was still staring at his plate, and Yoochun coughed awkwardly.

“Ten bucks says he’ll break it again in an hour,” JaeJoong said passively, passing them to pick up Yunho’s plate and set it in the sink.

Yoochun said nothing, and pulled out his wallet.

believe

2008-12-07T03:05:05Z

title: believe
author: xiahki
pairing: yoosu
genre: fluff?
rating: pg
summary: more than anything, junsu believes in yoochun.

a/n: written completely for yuxi, and she knows why. ♥ also, now is the time to mention two things. one: i got a writing journal! and the reason for that is thing number two: i'm going to leave fandom for a while. i want to work on original fiction some more, and so i probably won't be posting fanfiction for however long i'm away. i'll still be posting regularly in my other journal though, and so i made this one so that if you friended me for my fics you can add here instead if you don't want to see my rambling. that's all, and ilu guys. i'll be around~ ♥ ♥ ♥

Junsu believes in God. He believes in praying and going to church whenever he can and trying his best to live a life free of sin.

He believes in smiling and trying to make sure those around him are doing the same. He believes in working hard and doing his best, in talking to his brother at least once a day and making sure his mother and father know how much he loves them. He believes in music, believes in the notes and phrases, in every staccato as much as every legato, in every rise and fall of the waves of emotion and sometimes maybe he believes in those more than the lyrics falling off of his tongue.

He believes in life. He believes in happiness as much as sadness, in good and bad and everything in between.

But more than all of that, more than anything, Junsu believes in Yoochun.

He believes in Yoochun more than he would like to admit to himself. He believes in that smile, believes in every inch of his face and his heart and he wants to hold onto that belief forever.

He wonders if Yoochun knows how much he believes in him. It’s silent almost, barely there but just enough to pass through meaningful glances, a well placed smile or a laugh that he hopes can show just what Yoochun needs to know he’s capable enough.

Because Yoochun doesn’t believe, and Junsu can see that. Yoochun doesn’t believe in himself, doesn’t believe in anyone else and he’s been tossed around enough that he has every right to his own emotions.

Because Yoochun knows. Yoochun knows that Junsu believes in so many things, that he believes in God and love and his brother. And Yoochun is scared to believe. He’s scared because he wants to, he wants to so much and his heart is so full every time Junsu smiles at him and as wrong as they might like to tell him that it is, he loves him. He loves Junsu, but he knows that Junsu can’t. He can’t believe, not like this.

But he doesn’t know about what Junsu believes. Junsu believes in him more and more then, sees him breaking and hiding and running and trying to get closer and he smiles.

He still believes in Yoochun, believes in him with a light touch to the arm after a concert, a longer smile and a laugh and an invitation to maybe go out and get coffee sometime, just the two of them.

He believes in Yoochun whenever it’s the middle of the night and he crawls into his bed so he won’t be alone. He believes in him with fingers intertwined and a smile pressed against Yoochun’s shoulder and the lightest whisper against his ear.

It’s okay. I love you, and it’s okay.

Yoochun doesn’t know what to do with the soft kiss that Junsu’s lips have to offer and so he can only give it back, the warmth in his heart growing and swelling and spilling over into something indescribable.

He starts to believe, because Junsu believes in happiness.

And Junsu knows that happiness is Yoochun.

chasing cars.

2008-12-07T02:49:40Z

title: chasing cars (or the stages of adolescence and the end of innocence.)
author: xiahki
pairing: yoosu
genre: smut/fluff?
rating: r
summary: i need your grace to remind me to find my own.

a/n: written for the highschool contest at the yoosu community. this fic took me ages but i guess i still love it. also written for </a></a>applesu just because i love her. ♥

Junsu knew it was a bad day whenever he felt his newly purchased, barely used and yet oh so prestigious reed chip under his tongue, cutting him in the process. He squeaked all throughout rehearsal, especially loudly during his solo, and by the time the bell rang for lunch he was so angry at the world that he slammed his clarinet back into its case, wanting nothing more than to chuck the damn thing out the window.

Luckily he managed to get it into locker number sixty seven all the way in the back row, scowling at the little sticky note that Hyukjae had left for him.

Leave it up to his best friend to miss the worst day of his life, of course, and Junsu grumbled all the way through the lunch line in the cafeteria. They weren’t even serving the little chicken bites, and those were his favorite.

It wasn’t until he was holding his tray, standing in the middle of the lunchroom and blinking blankly that he realized he had nowhere to sit.

There was an empty seat next to the pretty girl in his geometry class, but the second his eyes swept over it, the guy next to her was glaring at him, picking up his bookbag and setting it heavily in the extra space.

The only other choice was the loser table, but it wasn’t like he hadn’t sat there before.

Plopping down his tray with a sigh, he noticed that there was only one other occupant today. Somebody with their hood pulled up just so, and he couldn’t see enough of them to tell whether or not they were familiar.

“Hey,” he said eloquently, to no response.

Another sigh and he started eating in silence, completely oblivious to the dark eyes that were staring at him.

The new kid. The one who had just moved in from America.

And it was the start of something that Junsu never could have imagined.

--

It started with looks in the cafeteria, glances but they brought a flush to Junsu’s cheeks all the same. When Hyukjae asked him about it he would wave him off and force himself to eat if only to take it off his mind, but if he happened to look back those eyes would still be there.

Yoochun took to him in the hallways, sometimes there waiting for him after class and sometimes not. Junsu found it strange that he was disappointed whenever the hallway was empty at the sound of the bell, but it was almost painfully awkward anyways, with Yoochun walking next to him and not saying anything and Junsu rambling on and on because he couldn’t seem to find it in himself to shut up.

The first time that Yoochun decided to walk him home was nerve wracking, the silence between them pushing Junsu closer and closer towards insanity until finally everything exploded at once and he found himself talking and talking and talking and he couldn’t shut up until Yoochun lightly grabbed his arm and stopped him under the lamp post three houses down from his and then the silence was back again.

Junsu counted sixty seven seconds in his head before Yoochun leaned in and kissed him.

From that moment on, it was mutually understood that they were together. And that was the way that the both of them liked it.

--

“Junsuyah.”

Junsu closed his locker, slinging his bookbag over his shoulder and turning at the now familiar voice that he couldn’t ever get used to. His heart was pounding.

Then again, that could’ve been a side affect of having gym class last period.

“Yoochunah! I—“ His voice abruptly died as Yoochun’s fingers gently probed at his forehead, and he bit his lip in the silence.

“… did you get hit in the head again?”

Junsu was immediately distressed. It wasn’t his fault that he was no good at basketball! Not really, anyways, and he was already on his way to an explanation full of word vomit when Yoochun opened his mouth and spoke again.

“Nevermind. Are you coming over?”

Junsu forgot his anger and brightened immediately. This was the closest Yoochun ever got to asking him on dates, but he didn’t mind.

Nodding happily, he started to follow Yoochun towards the large double doors at the end of the hallway, having a heated debate with himself in his head over whether or not it would be weird to hold Yoochun’s hand.

Apparently he had this thinking face on, because suddenly something was hitting him in the head and he only caught the end of this disgruntled sentence.

“—looks like you’re about to shit yourself or something. Aren’t we going to the studio today?”

Junsu stopped in his tracks, stared blankly, and then visibly wilted. Oh yeah. Hyukjae.

His fingers twitched where they were, awkwardly in the air halfway to Yoochun’s hand, and then he let his arm fall back to his side. “Um,” he said intelligently, and both of them were watching him, anxiously awaiting his answer.

“I’m … I mean. Sorry, HyukJae,” he stuttered, hoping that he wasn’t sounding like too much of a terrible liar. “Yoochun and I have a project we have to work on, so.”

“Yeah, yeah, alright. Just go before I vomit from your obvious obsession,” HyukJae muttered, waving them away with one hand. Junsu had to restrain himself from just hugging his best friend out of pure joy. Yoochun didn’t like that very much.

Instead, he settled for a somewhat overly energetic wave before he practically skipped off with Yoochun, leaving Hyukjae to make little gagging noises by himself in the hallway.

--

“A Hunter! A Hunter, Yoochunah! Look out I hear it, it’s coming, it’s close, it’s—“

The room was suddenly silent except for the loud music coming from the television screen, and Yoochun blinked for a few times before slowly setting down the controller and turning to Junsu.

His eyes showed that this was clearly serious business.

“I heard the Hunter,” Junsu squeaked. He tried to escape by scrambling backwards and failed, coming in contact with the couch instead.

Yoochun was coming closer, advancing on him slowly and Junsu recognized the look in his eye as the game continued to blare in the background, the screen flashing, trying to persuade them into starting another round.

“Don’t you want to kill more zombies?” Junsu whispered, eyes wide, and Yoochun just grinned before scooting that much closer, claiming Junsu’s lips with his own.

It was always a struggle, times like this, since Junsu was such a nice, golden, goody two shoes Christian boy and had been all his life. Yoochun couldn’t give two shits about sinning or not sinning or Jesus or anything like that. He lived for himself and the moment, and right now wasn’t any different. Especially not when Junsu looked so adorable with his hair sticking up just slightly and the top of his uniform undone and his tie hanging loosely around his neck.

Junsu was always so innocent that it amazed him. Every time they kissed it was the same, lips tightly closed together and cheeks flushing and not enough. Definitely not enough.

It started out just the same, light kisses that made Junsu giggle just slightly and Yoochun took advantage of the situation to plop himself onto Junsu’s lap, straddling him with a hand on the back of his neck, keeping him form pulling away.

Junsu’s eyes widened and then rolled back into his head slightly as Yoochun’s tongue passed his lips through a soft gasp, doing things that made his stomach squirm and his toes curl. Something inside of him knew that it wasn’t right, but he couldn’t do anything past clutching onto the back of Yoochun’s sweater and whimpering helplessly.

Yoochun only grinned, fingers toying with the buttons on Junsu’s shirt until the first three were undone, brushing over skin lightly and he released Junsu’s lips with a small pop, trailing his own lower and over the sensitive curve of Junsu’s neck. Junsu gasped once more, arching into him slightly and his fingers tightened in the fabric of his sweater, another choked whimper escaping his throat.

“Y-Yoochunah … Yoochun… we… w-we shouldn’t be … nghh..” “Shhh.” Yoochun shushed him gently, fingers flicking their way down his chest, over his torso and towards the already obvious bulge in his pants.

The second his fingers made contact Junsu moaned, high pitched and needy, hips jerking up instinctively while he simultaneously tried to push Yoochun away. This was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, but Yoochun didn’t seem to be stopping.

“Junsuyah.” Yoochun’s voice was low and silky smooth, melting across his ear and doing things to his brain and making him shudder slightly. Those fingers flicked against the button, undoing it easily and snaking farther into forbidden territory.

“Yoochunah,” Junsu gasped, head already spinning, finding it harder and harder to breathe with each second that ticked by. “We really should stop no—ah!” He was cut off by a hand wrapping firmly around his arousal, teeth scraping lightly at his ear and he was powerless against the wave of ecstasy that was crashing down around him.

Yoochun was a little taken aback. He wasn’t really expecting such a reaction from Junsu. Even Christian golden boys had to jerk off sometimes, right? Junsu’s almost ridiculous moans of pleasure were proving him wrong, however, but he decided to roll with it.

Junsu squirmed restlessly underneath him as his lips worked their way lower, kissing the exposed skin of his chest before he had managed to get his cock out of his boxers enough that it was visible. His cheeks were flushed and he was panting shallowly, Yoochun glancing up to meet his gaze for just a second.

“Yoochunah.” Junsu was begging halfheartedly, and for a moment Yoochun almost felt guilt. “Please, don’t, we shouldn’t be—“

He choked on the rest of his words as soon as Yoochun’s mouth was around his cock, wet and hot and it felt so incredibly good that he didn’t know what to do with himself. If it hadn’t been for Yoochun’s fingers tight against his hips, holding him down, he might have suffocated him.

His body strained against the hold, fingers curled tight in Yoochun’s hair and pulling slightly, head tilted back and mouth open, eyes wide but unseeing as the pleasure continued to grow inside of him, the fire building and raging and burning in his stomach until he thought he was going to die.

Yoochun was putting all of his efforts into pushing Junsu over the edge, humming lightly in the back of his throat and sucking slow and fierce. It was only a matter of time, and he knew by the rising volume of Junsu’s voice that he was close.

He didn’t expect the scream that came with the orgasm, and Junsu arched almost off of the floor, his body trembling and then stilling completely before falling into the hazy afterglow of something he had never felt before.

When he came back down Yoochun had already put everything back into place, and those eyes were on him as he licked his lips.

Before he had that chance to say anything at all Junsu ran for the bathroom. It took hours of wailing and praying for forgiveness before he came out, and even then he walked all the way home without saying goodbye.

--

Junsu avoided Yoochun carefully the next day.

He took all the alternate routes he could think of in the hallways, never went to his locker and sat on the opposite side of the room in geometry. The one time Yoochun managed to catch up to him he hid behind JaeJoong, running off as soon as he was sure he wouldn’t be followed and Yoochun was starting to get frustrated.

There was one place he knew that he couldn’t get away, and so after school he headed straight for the band room.

Junsu was there, just like Yoochun knew he would be, already setting up for rehearsal with a reed in his mouth and half of his Clarinet in one hand. He nearly dropped it when Yoochun walked in the door, but there was nowhere to run to this time.

“Junsu, we need to talk,” he said seriously, and Junsu acted like he didn’t hear him, bending over to sort through his sheet music instead.

It felt like he had slapped Yoochun in the face.

“Junsu.”

Yoochun grabbed his arm and spun him around, and Junsu stared at him for a moment before jerking his arm back, cheeks flaming and eyes swiftly moving to the ground.

“I have rehearsal,” he said quietly, and Yoochun couldn’t argue when the director came in and gave him a pointed stare.

But he wouldn’t give up that easily.

--

It took nearly two hours of sitting in the little alcove down the hall across from the vending machines before Yoochun heard something that peaked his interest.

“Junsu-ssi!”

He looked up, and immediately wished that he hadn’t.

He recognized the kid without having to take a second look. He was the one two grades under them, the one who had written Junsu’s name on the back of his P.E. uniform and who liked to stare whenever he didn’t think anyone was looking.

He was the one currently kissing Junsu, his Junsu, and Yoochun didn’t need to see or hear anything else.

He was done, and he was out the door so fast that he didn’t hear Junsu calling his name.

--

It took three unanswered emails, five ignored calls and two more unsuccessful text messages before Junsu decided that he had screwed this one up on his own.

He took a deep breath and dialed the numbers one more time before leaving a voicemail, and he was proud of himself when his voice shook a little and only almost sort of kind of broke once.

“Yoochunah? It’s me. I know you’re mad. Meet me in the cafeteria tomorrow morning. We should talk.”

--

Junsu was so nervous that he felt like he was going to die.

He couldn’t stop fidgeting, his heart pounding hard in his chest and he had to stare at the ground to keep himself from being sick. He wasn’t coming. Yoochun wasn’t coming and he knew it was stupid to even leave him that voicemail anyway. This was all his fault in the first place.

But soon enough a familiar pair of torn up sneakers came into his line of sight, and he held his breath and Yoochun shuffled closer, setting his bag on the ground and taking a spot next to Junsu on the table in the nearly abandoned cafeteria.

There was an uncomfortable silence, broken only by the squeak of Junsu’s shoe against the bench when he nearly fell, and then finally Yoochun spoke.

“He kissed you.”

“He kissed me,” Junsu confirmed, staring down at his fingers and twisting them together so many times that Yoochun was sure that they would break.

“Was it the first time?” Junsu thought he heard Yoochun’s voice waver just slightly, and he had to clear his throat in order to answer.

“Yes.”

There was another pause.

“It didn’t feel the same as it does when you kiss me.”

Junsu’s voice was barely even a whisper, and Yoochun stared at him for a few moments, willing him to look back. He didn’t, and it took a little longer than it probably should have for Yoochun to realize that he was crying.

When he did he blinked a few times in surprise, before reaching an arm out to pull Junsu closer. Junsu leaned into his side and sniffed lightly.

“You’re stupid,” Yoochun said, and Junsu snorted.

“So are you.”

“I miss you.”

“It’s only been a day.”

“So?”

Junsu smiled, just barely. But Yoochun saw it.

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

Yoochun nudged him lightly and liked the way it sounded when Junsu giggled in response, wiping his eyes with the too long sleeve of his sweatshirt.

“Wanna come over after school? We can kill some zombies.”

Junsu didn’t say anything. He slipped his hand into Yoochun’s and let their fingers connect.

And right there, sitting on the table in the far right corner of the cafeteria, right under the stairs that led to the math department, Junsu kissed Yoochun for the first time and meant it.

cure for the itch ch. 3

2008-12-07T02:48:07Z

title: cure for the itch
author: xiahki
pairing: homin
genre: angst/drama/romance
rating: R, for language
summary: and now for a lesson in rhythm management. let's begin.

a/n: the last chapter came a lot sooner than i thought, i'm sorry. D: but a sudden burst of homin love + all the footage from today left me melting and dying in my computer chair and so i just had to. i hope you guys like it~ and once again, this entire fic is dedicated to my favorite, my yunnieah, </a></a>yuxo - ilusfm, bb. you're the best friend i could ask for. ♥

The next morning passes for Changmin without much ceremony. It’s the same routine as the last couple of days. Shower, get dressed, do nothing. Watch the time pass and know that when it gets to seven o’clock it’s time for practice. Empty, lonely, so many things he never really thought that he would be and the minutes pass slowly.

He thinks about things. Stupid things, pointless things. Everything in between, and he doesn’t want any of it. He doesn’t want to think about his smile or his laugh or the way that he looks when they stumble past each other in the hallway first thing in the morning, hair everywhere and eyes barely focused. He doesn’t want to think about the cute side that he doesn’t show the cameras, the gestures and whiny voice and the way that his eyes would look so big and innocent even though they all know it isn’t necessarily true.

He doesn’t want it. Doesn’t ant to think about how much he—

The alarm on his clock goes off. Seven o’clock. He ignores the nauseous feeling in his stomach and pulls himself up anyway, tugging on his jacket before making his way downstairs to meet the driver.

His cell phone sits on the nightstand.

He doesn’t touch it.

--

Yunho sleeps in late and takes longer than the rest of them to get out of bed. The house is quiet, almost too quiet without the laughter and playful yells and grumbles that used to fill their mornings. Yunho sleeps in Changmin’s bed, and it takes at lease ten minutes of complaining to get him away from the blanket.

“Yunhoyah.”

JaeJoong slips inside the bathroom while Yunho is busy examining himself in the mirror and wondering how many of his imperfections he can find before seven o’clock hits. He doesn’t answer.

Clearly this is past pitiful, and it already passed borderline pathetic three sulks ago. With a sigh, JaeJoong pulls the door closed with a soft click, leaning against it as he watches his best friend falling apart.

Only one person can pick up the pieces, and he knows that.

“You’re gonna have to talk to him sooner or later.”

No response. Not even a glance, and JaeJoong gives another somewhat exasperated sigh, both hands making their way to Yunho’s shoulders and forcing him to turn around.

“Are you in love with me?”

Finally, a reaction. Yunho blinks once. Twice. One more times and he looks more confused than JaeJoong has ever seen him.

“I—“ His voice is hoarse and cracks slightly. He has to clear his throat and try again.

“I mean. I love you, Jae, but I’m not—“

“Not in love with me,” JaeJoong interjects.

“Right.” Yunho nods, feeling kind of like maybe he should just curl up and die right now. Is this a confession? First Changmin, and now his best friend is—

“Does Changmin know that?”

All of his thoughts come to a painful, screeching halt.

“What?”

“I said, does Changmin know that?”

Yunho doesn’t say anything, but the look in his eyes is enough of an answer for JaeJoong. He gives a half smile, arms wrapping around Yunho’s back and pulling him in for a hug.

“Tell him, Yunhoyah,” he says gently.

“He needs to hear it from you.”

--

Yunho tries three times before they break for lunch to get Changmin to talk to him, or at least look at him.

Every time there’s a new reason why it’s suddenly impossible. Oh, his shoe is untied. He needs to go over these steps with Junsu one more time. He needs to leave for the bathroom. Time and time again, and Yunho is starting to wonder if Changmin even wants him to say anything at all.

JaeJoong sends him a disapproving look over his plate, and Yunho really doesn’t want this right now. He moves to the far side of the room and pretends to look for something in his bag.

He doesn’t really notice when Junsu grabs Changmin by the arm and drags him out into the hallway.

--

“Stop, Junsu, what are you doing?”

Changmin manages to pull his wrist out of Junsu’s near death grip once they’re halfway down the hallway. The boy’s definitely stronger than he would have thought, and he rubs his wrist lightly while Junsu settles with giving him a steady, serious look.

“…. What?” Changmin asks innocently, and Junsu huffs, hands on his hips.

“What? What? What do you mean, what?” He gives an exasperated sigh, pausing for a moment to calm himself down before speaking again, softer this time.

“Changminah.” Another pause. “Why did you leave?”

Changmin doesn’t say anything. Instead, he stares quite intently at his shoes, as if there’s some great mystery hidden in them. It doesn’t take long for Junsu to grow impatient, and he’s always hated how stubborn their youngest is, especially when it comes to things like this.

“It’s boring at home without you,” he mumbles. “There’s nobody to play video games with. Plus, Yoochun is so worried sick that all he does is sulk and play the piano. Even then he talks about you and how he misses you and you won’t text him back.”

Changmin bites his lip and still doesn’t dare to look up. There’s an almost uncomfortably long silence between the two of them, and then a hand on his shoulder finally tears his gaze away from his scuffed up sneakers.

“It’s a mess,” he says, in that rare serious voice that means this isn’t a game anymore. It never was. Not to Changmin, anyway.

“Look.” Junsu sighs, crossing his arms and waiting for a moment before he leans closer and tilts Changmin’s chin up, forcing him to look him in the eye.

“I know you won’t believe me when I tell you this, but that doesn’t matter, because it’s still true. Yunho’s been a mess ever since you moved out, okay? He doesn’t smile or talk or do anything besides hole himself in our bedroom and I can’t even sleep in there anymore.”

Changmin quirks an eyebrow, and his tone is somewhat condescending. “Our bedroom?”

“That’s what I said. Our bedroom, as in mine and yours, Changminah. He sleeps in your bed and in the mornings he doesn’t want to let go of your blankets.”

Changmin’s breath catches in this throat, and suddenly it feels kind of like he can’t breathe.

“Wh-what?”

He stumbles over his own words, and Junsu gives him a half smile, nodding and placing a hand to his shoulder once more.

“He misses you, Changminah,” he says softly, looking away just for a moment. “So does Yoochun. And Jae. And I do too.”

Changmin thinks he hears tears in Junsu’s voice, but he lowers his head and covers enough of his face to make it impossible to tell.

He smiles, just barely, and pulls the other in for a hug just as a sob escapes Junsu’s throat.

--

The tension in the air throughout the rest of practice is suffocating.

Junsu comes back with red eyes and a runny nose and immediately goes to melt himself into Yoochun for the rest of their break. Changmin goes over some dance moves by himelf in front of the mirrors and Jaejoong keeps not-so-discreetly nudging Yunho in the side.

He ignores it, and they get back to work.

Yunho trips over himself three times within the first hour, and seems to be the only one not noticing the glances that Changmin keeps throwing his way, the longing in those eyes almost disgusting.

Junsu feels like screaming at the both of them and JaeJoong is about three seconds away from just shoving the two of them together when Yunho’s voice stops the both of them.

Practice ends early, just like that, and JaeJoong practically throws YooSu out of the room, running along after them, and Changmin doesn’t think he’s ever felt more awkward in his entire life.

He rubs one arm lightly, biting his lip as he shuffles closer to the man he’s been trying to avoid this whole time. He stares at his back as he crouches down next to the stereo and collects their music and equipment, pauses to take a drink of water but other then that he doesn’t move.

He has to know that Changmin’s there, and another awkward couple of minutes pass before, finally, he clears his throat.

“U-um?”

Yunho doesn’t say anything, but he does slowly straighten back up, turning around to face Changmin and suddenly he can’t look him in the eyes.

“How … how do you like the hotel?” he asks, trying to get rid of the awkwardness with conversation but that only makes it at least ten times worse.

“Junsu said that you sleep with my blanket,” Changmin blurts out, and the second the words are out he wishes that he could pull them back. He wishes that they never would have left him because what if it’s not even true, what if everything was all a huge mistake and maybe he should just apologize now and leave while he still can.

A small noise stops him, and he has to look up to confirm what he thinks is true.

Yunho is crying, and he’s frozen to the spot.

“I’m sorry,” he’s saying, over and over again. “I’m sorry, Changmin, I’m so sorry,” and just the sight of it is enough to break him in two.

“Yunho…”

He breathes the name (it feels like he hasn’t said it in years) and reaches for the older male, but Yunho shakes his head quickly.

“No. Please, let me … please.”

Changmin is confused, but he stops, pulls back and waits. Yunho doesn’t get like this. Yunho never gets like this, and it almost scares him.

“Changmin… I’m so sorry. I-I never should have, I never should have let you leave. Not after I found that letter, and I know it wasn’t meant for me. I know and I shouldn’t have read it but there’s so much that’s wrong here.”

Changmin opens his mouth to interject, and falters when Yunho holds up a hand to stop him.

“JaeJoong… I don’t love him, Changmin. Not like that. He’s my best friend, and yes he’s close to me and we mess around, but … it’s nothing like… nothing like what you think…”

Changmin’s head is starting to spin, and his heart is thumping hard in his chest.

“Changmin, I shouldn’t have let you leave. I shouldn’t have let you leave because I—“

His voice breaks just as Changmin can’t take it anymore, moving forward quickly and leaning fully into the older male, arms quickly wrapping around him and head falling against his shoulder.

Yunho clings to him tightly, one arm around the back of his neck and the other around his shoulders, face pressed into him and he just wants to go back. He wants to erase this and make the pain go away, wants to take way this feeling like he’s suffocating, like he’s dying because he never thought that he would ever get to hold Changmin like this.

And suddenly, Changmin is breaking. He’s falling apart right in Yunho’s arms and even though he’s never really cried like this before he can’t make himself stop. The tears keep coming and coming and he doesn’t know how long they stay like that, holding onto each other in the empty practice room but he wouldn’t care if it was like this for the rest of forever.

“Changmin.”

Yunho’s voice is soft, it wavers just slightly and he pulls back enough to wipe away the remainder of any tears on the youngest’s cheeks. The gesture is so intimate that Changmin blushes, but he can’t bring himself to look away.

“I-I…” Yunho falters just barely, and then tries again.

“I love you.”

Changmin nearly chokes on himself in his rush to respond, to get the words out and know that they’re real.

“I-I love you too. I love you. Yunho, I love you.”

And the feeling of Yunho’s lips on his own is enough to make the tears start flowing all over again.

--

A few hours later everything is almost back to normal again.

The others don’t question it whenever Yunho comes home with Changmin in tow, one hand attached to the boy and the other pulling his suitcase, a huge smile on his face.

Changmin blushes and tries not to be too happy whenever everyone takes turns hugging him, cheering and laughing about the reuniting of dong bang even though it’s only been two days. Yunho looks at him and smiles and his heart swells and feels so full that it might burst, and he loves every second of it.

They throw an impromptu party, with soju from the back of the fridge and JaeJoong’s home cooking and some cupcakes that they bought last week at the store. All the same, he’s never been happier.

A few hours later, when YooSu have already stumbled their way into one of the bedrooms in the back, laughing loudly and bursting into song every few seconds, Yunho excuses himself to the kitchen with a kiss to Changmin’s forehead and a promise that he’ll be right back.

Once he’s out of the room the awkwardness is back, and Changmin is staring at the ground all over again.

“Hey.”

JaeJoong nudges his side gently, giving him a smile, and Changmin can’t help but feel ashamed when he meets his gaze.

“I’m sorry, hyung,” he says softly, and JaeJoong wants to laugh but Changmin looks so pitiful that he pulls him into a one armed hug instead.

“Don’t worry about it, Minnieah,” he says, half teasing and also half drunk. “He’s crazy about you, anyways. Totally in love.”

“What was that?”

Yunho comes back into the room with a curious glance at the way that JaeJoong is holding Changmin so close, but he only smiles, somehow managing to stand up and shake his head.

“Nothing, Yunhoyah. Bedtime now, don’t you kids stay up too late.” He sways a little dangerously, almost losing his balance but catching it at the last moment, and a few minutes later Yunho offers his hand to Changmin with a smile.

“Bed?” he asks, and Changmin takes it with no hesitation.

--

“What were you thinking about?”

Changmin traces patterns on Yunho’s chest lightly with his index finger, staring up towards his face and even though it’s dark and everything’s practically covered in shadows he can still see him perfectly clearly.

Yunho shifts just slightly, rubbing Changmin’s side in a light caress before responding.

“How much of an idiot I am. How I shouldn’t have let you leave. How much I love you.”

Changmin blushes, but he can’t stop himself from smiling and Yunho doesn’t miss it.

“What about you?”

“Hmm. I was thinking about how lonely I was. And how much hotel rooms suck. And I kind of wanted to punch JaeJoong in the face.”

Yunho laughs then, unable to hold it back, and then he pulls Changmin closer, tighter against him and sighs.

“You don’t have to punch anyone,” he murmurs, rubbing their noses together lightly. It’s almost too cute for Changmin to stand. Almost.

“I’m yours.”

Changmin smiles, running his fingers through soft strands of dark hair and thinks about how this feels like heaven.

“Forever?”

Yunho smiles. “Forever and ever, and that’s a promise.”

He kisses Changmin’s nose, and squeezes him lightly when he makes a surprised little sound.

“I love you,” he murmers.

“I love you too,” Changmin whispers back

“Forever.”

you only love, you’re my everything. you only love, my life.

stable.

2008-12-07T02:46:10Z

title: stable
author: xiahki
paring: homin
genre: angst
rating: pg 13
summary: they've become such meaningless words. i love you - but what good is it now?

a/n: i know i'm supposed to be on hiatus but i'm struggling with myself an an author atm. for reasons this was screaming at me to be written. dedicated to </a></a>yuxo - she knows why. ♥ also, so much thankyou to </a></a>applesu for betaing.

It starts one morning when the sun isn’t all the way up yet and he’s still half asleep but the look in his eyes lets you know that he knows and from there everything feels like a dream. You’re stuck in a place, a place so far away from everything else but you don’t ever want to leave because everything is okay here. Every brush of fingers brings a smile to your face, a laugh lingering in your mind and a smile etched into your heart and it’s never going to go away. Even if you were stuck in the rain from now until forever you know that it wouldn’t matter; you would dance and sing and laugh because there’s nothing better than completely drowning in this feeling.

A whispered conversation is the first strike against paradise, the roll of thunder in the distance and it all goes from there.

It doesn’t make sense. You’re left wondering why and how and all you can think is no, no, this can’t be happening because you’re in you’re special place. As long as you’re with him, nobody can touch you. Nobody can touch you.

The tabloids don’t lie, and for once you wish to fucking god that they weren’t telling the truth. You hate the way it makes him look, the way he tries to avoid you and makes up stories about a girlfriend that doesn’t exist. It breaks your heart every time you try to look at him only to watch his gaze flicker to the side without another word. ( “changminah, i--” “don’t do this, yunho. please.” )

He doesn’t look at you. He won’t, and you’re drowning under the weight of rumors that aren’t really rumors and interviews and the stress of being the one to talk to the management.

It’s a week later when you find yourself unable to sleep. The soft sound of tears from his bedroom is more than obvious and it’s not like he could’ve kept you away if he tried.

Words are broken and so soft you can barely hear them, but it’s there. It’s there in the way that he clings onto you like he’s been dying to do it forever and if he lets go they’ll rip him away again, rip him to pieces and they’ll never even know it. ( “i’m sorry, yunho. i’m so sorry.” }

You decide that it’s enough. It’s enough for right now, enough to hold him like this until the sun rises because you’ve never been the kind of person to give up. ( “shh, i know. just … don’t cry, baby. don’t cry.” )

It’s enough to hold you together for one more night, because no matter how many times they try to tell you otherwise you know.

( “i love you, okay? and that’s real.” )

think of me.

2008-12-07T02:43:28Z

title: think of me
author: xiahki
pairing: yoosuish
genre: angst
summary: when you find that once again you long to take your heart back and be free.. if you ever find a moment, spare a thought for me.

a/n: i was inspired by all the beautiful fic written tonight and the fact i've been listening to afterglow on repeat dlkjgfdljghf. idek, i wanted to write something pretty and angsty as well before i dive into the 60,000 word madness.

It starts out simply enough, a simple phone call on a night with nothing to do and a surprise fifteen minutes later, the smell of strawberries sweet across her skin; a blush on her cheeks because they haven’t seen each other in so long it almost feels like the first time over again.

Her voice is soft, a gentle melody against his ears as they walk down streets lined with bright lights and unfamiliar faces and all of it feels distant now. A different universe completely, and as much as he wants to be a part of it, it would mean sacrificing everything he’s worked for. It’s impossible to miss the way her eyes never seem to meet his, the way she stammers over her words and her fingers aren’t curled as tightly around his own as they used to be.

“It’s been a long time.”

The words between them are few and far between and he can feel it, can feel the tug of pain and loneliness that he knows has been weighing down heavily on her and never lifting. So he holds her, tries to help take it away with warmth and closeness even though he knows it’s the times like this that make her hurt more when he isn’t here tomorrow.

Her lips are soft against his. The kiss is nothing short of soft and gentle, a whispered breath of understanding between them and it lifts a weight of off his shoulders and breaks his heart all at once.

Sitting in the parking lot, he should’ve anticipated the call. The gentle buzz in his pocket and her voice, distorted through the distance, speaking so softly because she doesn’t want him to know how much it hurts to be away for so long. He knows, and before he gets the chance to whisper an I’m sorry and goodbye, the connection breaks and she’s gone.

Nothing. There’s nothing that he can do for her, and the stinging in his eyes and the slow burn in his throat are nothing compared to the way that it feels like his soul is breaking apart. He prays to God to keep it together, to give him strength and guidance and to help him figure out where he went wrong and what to do to make it right again.

God sends him Yoochun instead.

Yoochun is temptation in all the worst ways, soft whispers and fingers that stroke against his skin, rocking him gently through the tears. Lips that trace every corner, brush the salt slicked core, peel away every layer until there’s nothing left anymore.

Lips that taste like smoke and alcohol and a world that Junsu doesn’t understand, even when he looks at him.

“Would you forgive me, Yoochunah?”

Yoochun smiles, sad and slow, and wonders why it feels like he’s breaking even though this is what he thought he always wanted.

“I’d never forgive you,” he whispers, words falling somewhere against Junsu’s neck and fingers curling into soft strands of hair to keep him close even though he feels like running away. “Because you did nothing wrong.”

my sunshine.

2008-12-07T02:42:51Z

title: my sunshine
author : xiahki
pairing: yoosu
genre: fluff!
rating: idk, pg?
summary: junsu doesn't like it when yoochun's focus isn't on him.

a/n: just a little thing, idk. i wanted to write fic about the scene from their house tour in 2006 where they talk about how junsu lays on the counter when he's upset. then the idea of jealous!su came from yuxi, and this just kinda happened. for </a></a>applesu since like all my yoosu is for her, lmfao, and also for </a></a>yuxo because i effing love her and she had an explosion of yoosu love that i wasn't there for. xD ♥

Just us two; I'm happy if it's just us two

Junsu is lonely.

Not lonely in the sense that he doesn’t have anyone to be around, because he just spent his afternoon playing video games with Changmin and watching some weird drama with Yunho. It’s not that kind of lonely.

It’s the kind of lonely that only comes with watching Yoochun with someone else.

It’s easy to dismiss the first few times, a glance in the other direction and they’re all close anyways. But it’s not so easy whenever he starts to feel like he’s stuck in the background, ridiculous as it may be. Childish, and he knows it, but he’s already past the point of whining for Yoochun to pay attention to him.

Junho doesn’t answer his phone, probably because he doesn’t want to listen to Junsu whining anymore, and he can hear the muffled voices and laughter coming from the bedroom Yoochun shares with JaeJoong.

He bites the inside of his cheek, and he’s in the bathroom for at least fifteen minutes before Yoochun finds him.

He hears that laughter and the light footsteps down the hallway, noises dissolving into a surprised silence for a moment before that voice comes back again, softer this time and paired with fingertips light on his ankle.

“’Su?”

He doesn’t say anything, shifting slightly and burrowing his nose farther into his arm. He wants to talk to Yoochun, wants to tell him everything and at the same time he doesn’t want to say anything at all.

He almost breathes a sigh of relief when those fingertips are gone and he thinks that maybe Yoochun will just leave it alone. But then the touches are there again, light against his back this time and he can feel Yoochun sitting himself down on the counter beside him.

He’s warm, and Junsu’s throat tightens slightly.

“What’s wrong, babe?”

“Mmfrgkfjg.”

“… come again?”

Junsu huffs slightly and pulls his face away from his arms, rolling to the side just enough to look over at Yoochun and show him how displeased he is.

“You stopped talking to me.”

He pouts slightly, and Yoochun has to try not to smile, still rubbing Junsu’s back lightly. “That’s what’s got you on the counter? You think I’m ignoring you?”

Junsu huffs again, and Yoochun manages to find his wrist, pulling him up into a sitting position.

“’Suah … you’re stupid, you know that?”

Junsu gives his best disgruntled face, pulling himself free from Yoochun’s grasp in favor of crossing his arms over his chest.

“Hmph.”

He tries not to blush whenever Yoochun leans closer, pressing a kiss to the side of his cheek, arms warm and secure around him and he’s already much too close to melting.

“Junsuah~” he murmurs against Junsu’s ear, pressing a small smile into his skin. “You know I looove you~”

Junsu isn’t giving in nearly as much as Yoochun would like for him to, and he sighs slightly. Drastic times call for drastic measures, it would seem.

He decides to skip the sweet talk, and goes straight for the singing.

“You are my sunshine,” he croons in English. “My only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray~”

He’s rocking them back and forth lightly, still pressed close against Junsu, chin resting on his shoulder. Junsu doesn’t know if he should laugh or cry or both.

“You’ll never know dear, how much I looove you. Please don’t take my sunshine away~”

Junsu makes a decision then and laughs, bringing an arm up to lightly hit Yoochun.

“You’re such a retard, get off me.”

Yoochun whines slightly, and it’s impossible for Junsu to stay mad when Yoochun’s squeezing him like that, fingers trailing down to his sides where he knows Junsu’s the most ticklish.

Five minutes later and Junsu’s still laughing loudly, gasping for breath and trying to push Yoochun away.

“Stop, stop, Yoochunah.. can’t breathe … ow … stop, please…”

Yoochun finally decides that he’s finished and pulls back, looking down at Junsu and he can’t help the way his heart flutters slightly. He looks so sweet then, face flushed from laughter, hair somewhat askew and wearing a sweatshirt that’s way too big for him.

“You know you’re my favorite, right?” he murmurs, leaning down to give Junsu a kiss that’s slow and sweet and makes Junsu melt into him instantly.

“Love you, Yoochunah,” he says, so softly that Yoochun almost misses it. He smiles instead, pressing another light kiss to Junsu’s forehead before slipping off of the counter, grabbing Junsu’s hand and pulling him along.

“Come on, babe. Let’s make some music. You can sing and I’ll play the piano.”

Junsu snorts at Yoochun’s words, but follows anyway, sticking closer than what’s really necessary.

“What if I forget the lyrics?”

“Sing whatever you want.”

And nothing is better than an evening spent leaning against Yoochun at the piano, singing words and phrases that are only connected at times like this.

Times like this when Junsu doesn’t feel so lonely anymore.

No matter where we are, do you know how my heart feels like paradise?

crazy love.

2008-12-07T02:40:07Z

title: crazy love
author: xiahki
pairing: briansu
genre: smut!
rating: nc-17
summary: no matter what anybody says, you're my crazy love. though they say I'm crazy, just can't get enough.

a/n: so i can't write anything long because of my wrist, but this has been nagging at me all effing day. the first briansu smut ever because somebody has to get this started. brian as in fly to the sky brian, yes. secret otp? hecks yes. plz let me know if you like it~

It had been a while since they had seen each other. More than a while, actually, and Junsu rolled over onto his stomach with his cell phone in his hand and rolled his eyes at the cheerful chiming noise.

A simple text message started it all. ( dongsaeng, sarangehyo! shut up, brian. )

Insults turned to compliments and compliments grew into an invitation.

There was no reason to refuse.

An hour later and the club was hot, bass throbbing and music guiding every motion of Junsu’s hips against Brian’s. Different and yet so familiar all the same. Junsu had watched Brian dance before. He had seen the way that he could twist and roll his hips, arch his back and drive women crazy.

He wasn’t really above those standards.

Now, melting smoothly into the rhythm of Brian’s body and not even trying to hold himself back, he wondered how he had ever managed to live without it. Without the flame in his mind and the pleasurable burn in his stomach that he could definitely get used to. Fingers skimmed his sides and further ignited the dangerous desire. The flames rose higher and higher and it was only a matter of time before they engulfed him.

His back hit the wall hard, fingers knotting in Brian’s hair, and pulling him down after, the kiss between them so fierce and dizzying that Brian had to place a hand against the wall to keep from falling, his other slipping past Junsu’s hip and into his back pocket.

Junsu pushed up into him, moaning feverishly into his mouth and wrapping a leg around Brian’s just to get him closer. Brian’s lips strayed, trailing along Junsu’s jaw and trailing down his neck, finding the pulse point and sucking hard.

“Baby,” he breathed against heated skin. “I know you know I want you..”

Junsu stuttered out a groan just as Brian’s fingers slipped past the waist of his jeans, touch teasing along his lower abdomen and then firm around his cock. He whimpered as Brian stroked him, manipulated him, working for every twist and arch of Junsu’s body against his own.

It didn’t take long before he was sweating, panting, moaning and his fingers were so tight around Brian’s shoulders that it was almost painful.

He came suddenly, body trembling and eyes rolling back into his head as his hips still rocked into Brian’s hand, following the rhythm of his own lust.

Brian licked his lips, grinning as Junsu pulled him back down to whisper in his ear.

“Take me home.”

A simple invitation. And there was no reason to refuse.

more than i can be.

2008-12-07T02:39:05Z

title: more than i can be
author: xiahki
pairing: homin
genre: fluff
rating: g
summary: i am strong when i am on your shoulders. you raise me up to more than i can be.

a/n: this is just really fluffy. and cheesy. and kinda corny and short. but oh well, it was floating around in my head and i really wanted to write it. i didn't proofread or edit it, so i'm sure it could be better. maybe i'll improve it someday. xD for now, just have the fluffy homin~ and this is totally dedicated to </a></a>yuxo . love you forever, favorite. ♥

There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;

Yunho is the sweetest man on the planet.

He’s kind. Caring. Compassionate. Anything you would think of the perfect person being. And he’s so much more.

Despite what the camera might show, he’s everything.

It’s obvious. Changmin knows, and he watches and his heart feels so full it might burst. He watches as Yunho sits down beside Ye Eun. Watches as he holds her hands, talks to her in a voice so patient and gentle it almost breaks him.

“Minah.” JaeJoong nudges his shoulder, gaze concerned until he follows with his eyes, and then he smiles.

“Ahh. Yunhoah.” He sighs fondly, spoon resting lightly against his lips. “So good with kids.”

“Mm.” Changmin nods absently, and JaeJoong shuffles closer.

“He doesn’t hold it against you, Minah.” His voice is light enough so that nobody else will overhear. Junsu laughs loudly and Changmin looks over to see his arm wrapped around Yoochun’s neck, perfectly happy.

Always happy. They never wanted kids.

“I know,” Changmin mumbles, almost reluctantly. “But he’s so happy.”

JaeJoong grins, just barely, and pokes his cheek.

“He’s happy with you, Minah.”

Changmin tries not to smile, but it’s impossible when Yunho is laughing and the warmth is tingling along his nerves again.

“There it is.” JaeJoong nods, satisfied, and then sighs, placing his hands on his hips. “Now, help me find the cooking oil. We’re not getting anywhere.”

Changmin’s good at covering it up.

He doesn’t show it, doesn’t let Yunho see the way that his heart constricts and doesn’t want to release again all through dinner. He tries not to stare too hard at the way that Yunho’s feeding her. He looks so happy.

It doesn’t slip, not even when Ye Eun is running her hands over Yunho’s face and he holds onto her hands for just a beat too long before they leave.

Changmin swallows hard, and feels Yunho’s arm around his waist as they walk back towards the hotel, fingers slipping into his back pocket.

A kiss pressed against the side of his head, and he tries not to cry.

“You okay, baby?” Yunho’s voice is soft, eyes concerned as he leans forwards slightly, trying to see Changmin’s expression. Changmin tilts his head back slightly, giving half a smile that melts Yunho’s heart.

“Fine. Just tired.”

He leans into Yunho as much as he can while walking, and feels Yunho’s hold on him tighten.

He glances back once.

“She’s really amazing, isn’t she?”

“Mm.” Changmin hums in agreement, and Yunho doesn’t say anything else.

A week later, Changmin feels his heart breaking all over again.

He can’t really help it. Ye Eun looks so pretty in her red dress, and Yunho looks beautiful watching her. Gentle. Patient. Everything.

He’s more than conscious of the way Yunho sings. So softly, voice fading when she starts and he can’t look away.

He wants to. He doesn’t. So, so happy.

It’s an effort to force down the lump in his throat, to focus on the little girl in front of him as he sings the last verse. He sings it directly to Yunho, whether the older man realizes it or not.

And then it’s over, and he watches as Yunho picks her up without even a moment’s hesitation.

He can see the amazement in his eyes. The love. And he makes a silent decision that he hopes will never fade.

Years later, and they’re together, anxiously in the waiting room of the hospital.

Such a long process. Applying and filling out paperwork and meeting with couple after couple and finally everything was solidified. Finally everything worked out, and now they’re going to have their own little girl straight from birth.

Changmin is shaking slightly, and Yunho can’t stop pacing.

It feels like hours before the doctor finally comes out of the room and lets them in. Changmin swears he sees tears in Yunho’s eyes whenever they let him see her. Hold her. And her mother is smiling the whole time though her own tears. It’s the right decision, and she knows it the moment she sees Yunho’s expression.

He names her Hanuel, because she’s everything he imagines heaven could ever look like.

They’re back at the same hospital a week later.

“I don’t understand,” Changmin tells the doctor in a soft voice, fingers stroking against her cheek lightly. “It’s like she can’t focus on anything, even if she tries.”

It’s obvious, really. More than that, and when the doctor finally turns to them with a serious expression, Changmin’s half expecting it.

“She can’t see,” he whispers gently, and Yunho stares at him.

“She’s blind.”

The years pass, difficult at first, but easier as it goes along.

The others are more than willing to help, and it isn’t uncommon for Jae to appear on a rainy afternoon because he’s itching to cook a big meal, or for Yoochun and Junsu to come sit in their living room floor, laughing and playing for a few hours.

Changmin leans against the wall, watching as Yoochun pulls Hanuel into his lap in front of the keyboard, lets her feel the keys and guides her fingers to make melodies.

Yunho’s arms circle around his waist, warm, and he smiles, leaning back into the touch.

“Reminds you of Ye Eun, doesn’t it?” he murmurs gently, feeling a tug in his heart at the small memory. The little girl who made him realize what he wanted.

“Nah. Hanuel’s different,” Yunho whispers into his neck.

Changmin laughs lightly and is just about to ask him how when a familiar chord makes the both of them freeze.

Yoochun’s voice, low and smooth and Yunho knows he’s heard this song before.

Changmin’s fingers slide over his own, squeezing slightly, and he closes his eyes whenever he hears her little voice joining in. Trying. Completely tone deaf, but it doesn’t matter.

His heart is breaking all over again, but he smiles whenever Yunho sings along into his ear, softly, and rocks them back and forth.

He’s sure then that this is the best decision he’s ever made, and he wouldn’t trade it for the world. Either of them.

But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

lacrimosa.

2008-12-07T02:37:22Z

title: lacrimosa
author: xiahki
pairing: yoosu
genre: horror/angst
rating: very R [ disturbing? ]
summary: out on your own, cold and alone again. can this be what you really wanted, baby?

a/n: another mirotic fic. inspired completely by the mv, and based off of a roleplay i did with </a></a>anoukinparis . she's the best yoochun i could ask for. ♥ actually, i'm proud of myself on this one. i took my time and it's longer than usual. i'm planning for an afterward to the story if you're interested. let me know?

Xiah Junsu is a nice boy. Always has been, really. Always willing to help. Nice. Caring, with a smile that never fades. He’s always been good at taking care of things, protecting them. Cherishing them forever until it doesn’t matter anymore and it still goes on.

He loves Yoochun. Loves him so much that it’s grown inside of him, twisting into a burning ache that never goes away.

He’s always been good at protecting things, and Junsu’s hands tremble as he closes the door to the glass box. There’s panic in Yoochun’s eyes. Panic and confusion as his fingers slide against the surface. Scratching. Slipping.

“You have to go in,” Junsu’s saying, and it’s muffled just barely by the four walls closing in on him.

“I’m sorry, Yoochunah, but you have to go in.”

Yoochun’s throat is tightening and burning all at once. He wants to scream. He does. The sound builds and rolls back over him, filling the box but it doesn’t stop him from doing it again.

“You don’t have to do this. You don’t have to. Please, don’t do this.”

Junsu presses his hands against the surface.

“Don’t worry, Yoochunah.” His voice is comforting, and he smiles.

“I love you. They can’t touch you. Nobody can. They can’t make you bad.”

Yoochun feels his heart starting to break. “I love you, too,” he whispers. “Isn’t that enough?”

Junsu shakes his head, fingers curling against the glass.

“You have to stay.”

Yoochun screams. He throws himself against the glass door, hitting it over and over again. “Don’t say that.” Junsu stares calmly back at him. “Don’t fucking say that!”

Nothing. No matter how many times he hits the glass, it doesn’t give. Doesn’t shatter.

Time passes. He gives up, slumping against the far right corner. Away from the door. Away from Junsu, because he knows that if he looks at him, he won’t be able to pull away.

Suddenly, Junsu starts to fall apart.

He sinks to the ground, fingers pressing hard against the glass and he wants Yoochun to come back. Come closer. Needs him closer, needs him to understand.

Yoochun is beautiful. So beautiful. The world will make him bad. Junsu loves him. Has to protect him, and a sob breaks through him, fingers scraping against the glass.

“Yoochunah,” he chokes, body shaking and Yoochun still won’t look at him.

“Love you. Please.”

Yoochun feels the ache in his heart.

“Love me. Please.”

He tries to look away but he can’t, crawling closer, and his fingers reach out to hold him. Cold glass. His chest burns, and he whispers through the barrier. Forgets his anger.

His heart breaks. It’s love.

Time is nonexistent in the box.

Yoochun never knows what time it is. He never knows if it’s day or night or anything in between because there’s no light.

His only indication is the meals that Junsu brings for him. Always the same, always his favorite things three times a day. More if he asks, and even that is unsteady. Like now.

Lonely whenever Junsu leaves him. Nothing to do but stare into the darkness, wait for him to come back.

Yoochun sighs. A steady breath until there’s a light frosting over the glass. He traces a heart into the canvas. A small heart. Fragile, with a J in the center.

“Pretty,” he whispers, and it fades.

“Do you remember the first time we met?”

The question is soft, whispered through the glass and Junsu thinks. He thinks and tries and doesn’t remember. Fingers curl against the glass.

“Remind me.”

Yoochun’s gaze shifts from Junsu to the area over Junsu’s right shoulder. The glass changes. “It was raining. You were late for the bus and I made them stop to let you on.”

The box is the window of that bus so long ago. He can see Junsu standing there. Small. Shaking. Waving his arms and the bus driver doesn’t care.

“I remember.”

Yoochun smiles. Barely. “Yeah?”

“You talked to me,” Junsu whispers, fingers stroking Yoochun’s softly. Cold. Glass. “You asked me my name, didn’t you, Yoochunah? You smile at me and I forgot I was cold.”

Yoochun gazes at him fondly. Lovingly.

“You were shaking so badly. But every time I offered you my coat, you said the same thing. It’s not that bad.” Junsu smiles. Yoochun looks down. “I smile because of you, you know.”

Junsu trails his fingertips down Yoochun’s cheek.

“I smile because of you, too. You’re so beautiful, Yoochunah. I love you.”

Yoochun feels a tug in his heart. Fingers start to slip.

“I love you too, Junsuah.”

Junsu washes his hands twenty times a day.

It’s a tick he’s always had. Something he can’t seem to shake, and as much as he hates leaving Yoochun, he has to do it.

He’s halfway through the seventh time today when the phone rings. The phone never rings, and his voice is angry.

“Hello? Of course Yoochun is here. He’s fine. He doesn’t want to talk to you. Leave us alone.”

He slams the phone down. No one understands.

Junsu’s voice is harsh, and Yoochun presses closer to the glass as he comes back. Steps closer. Practically out of the shadows.

“Hi,” he breathes.

“Who was on the phone, Junsu?”

“Nobody. Nothing. It’s not important.”

And Yoochun feels it starting to crack.

It takes months for everything to finally shatter.

Just another day. Just another plate full of something that’s completely unappetizing by now, and Yoochun’s back is pressed against the glass, teeth clenched and he can feel the way Junsu tries not to touch him. Succeeds.

And then something snaps.

Yoochun’s fingers close in roughly around Junsu’s shoulder. Pull him back until his back hits the glass, and he kisses him.

His heart is pounding wildly. Alive. So much more alive than he has been in longer than he can remember. Too long. And Junsu is struggling against him. He can feel it.

Every push forward complimented with a pull back. Every touch coupled with a need to pull away.

Yoochun’s fingers won’t stop stroking against his skin. Warm. Familiar. And he pulls back.

Junsu is shaking violently against him, and Yoochun holds on tighter.

“Say something.” Voice hoarse. Cracked. ”Say something, Junsuah.”

“Don’t.” Junsu stutters, chokes on tears that refuse to form. To fall. “Make you bad. Don’t wanna make you bad.”

Yoochun’s heart is breaking. Close. So close, and he keeps on holding him there. “You won’t,” he whispers. “The only thing you’ve ever made me is happy.” He’s starting to choke on his own tears.

“This makes me happy.”

And Junsu breaks.

He shatters at the same time Yoochun’s back hits the glass, stumbles backwards and slams the door. Footsteps shout along with walls, and they freeze.

“Yoochun.”

Changmin. It’s Changmin. The same Changmin that tried calling all those weeks ago, and Junsu can do nothing but stare at him with wide eyes. Afraid. Terrified. Always terrified if it isn’t Yoochun.

“What the hell?”

Changmin goes from confused to enraged in less than three seconds. He steps forwards, fingers closing roughly around Junsu’s shirt, slamming him hard into the glass.

“A box?” he practically screams. “We thought Yoochun was dead, and you’ve been keeping him in a fucking box?”

“Didn’t want to make him bad,” Junsu stammers. “We wanted to be together.”

“Together?” Changmin’s head is pounding. Too full of too many sleepless nights. Too many months of phone calls and the police knew nothing. Nobody knew. “You think that’s how you stay together with someone? You think that’s how to make someone love you? You’re fucking insane. You—“

“Let go, Changmin.”

He does. Changmin has no fucking idea why, but he does, and Junsu’s broken and the pieces scatter. Too small to put back together. Too small to matter. But Yoochun wants to pick up every last one.

Junsu sinks to the floor. Curls into himself, shaking, and sobs. He’s bad. Bad. So bad. Yoochun is going away. They’re going to take Yoochun away. He’s insane. Fucking insane. And he’s nothing without Yoochun.

He loves him. Loves him so much. Yoochun tries to comfort, whisper through the glass. Changmin stares in horror. Swallows hard and looks away.

“I’m going to get the others so we can get you out.”

Footsteps grow softer and eventually fade to nothing. Time passes, and eventually Junsu pulls himself to his feet, fingers slipping against the glass. Still sobbing, practically choking as he fumbles with the look before pulling the door open.

Bad. So bad. And if they’re taking Yoochun away anyway, it’s okay to be bad.

Yoochun can’t get up fast enough, scrambling to his feet and Junsu comes to him easily. Holds onto him so tightly that it hurts. Fingers stroke his hair softly.

“Don’t leave me,” Junsu chokes. “Please. Please. Need you, Yoochunah. Love you. Please.”

Yoochun holds him tighter. He can feel himself shaking now, but he can’t let this go. “Junsuah.” He starts off slow. Easy. But it doesn’t stop his voice from shaking, cracking anyway.

“I’ll never leave you, Junsuah. I’m yours. I love you. That isn’t changing. But … I have to go home. I have to come out of here. Don’t you understand that?”

“No.” Junsu’s voice is strong even though it’s barely audible over the way that he’s gasping for breath, clutching onto Yoochun ever harder. “Need you. Yoochunah, need you, love you, please.”

“I love you too.” And Yoochun’s voice is breaking. “That’s why I have to help you, Junsu. I have to.”

Junsu can’t breathe. Feeling like he’s suffocating. Like he’s dying. “Don’t need it. Don’t want help. Just you.”

Yoochun’s heart clenches. Junsu’s like a child. He doesn’t know any better. Doesn’t understand. And he continues stroking his hair. “Do you remember when we met on the bus?” he asks softly, voice wavering just barely. “That was five years ago. Do you remember?”

Junsu nods. He remembers. He remembers the bus and the rain and the way Yoochun smiled at him and he wasn’t cold.

“You smiled at me that day,” Yoochun whispers, impossible to stop his own tears from falling now. “You smiled at me and you never do that anymore. You don’t smile. Or laugh. I miss it. I miss you. I never left you, but you’ve been slowly leaving me. Don’t you see, Junsuah? I don’t want to leave you. I want you to come back. I miss you.”

“I … left you?” The smallest ray of hope in Yoochun’s heart at the voice, and Junsu hiccups loudly as another sob jerks through his body. “I don’t want to leave you. Need you. I’m bad. You’re good. So good, Yoochunah. So good.”

Yoochun has to understand. He was always the only one who could understand.

“I know,” he whispers, a soft murmur against Junsu’s hair. He can feel it, the broken apology in his words even though it isn’t spoken. He doesn’t want Junsu to hurt anymore. To feel sorry anymore.

“That’s why we have to get you help. We have to bring you back. I don’t want you to leave any more, Junsuah. You’re too good. Too good.”

Yoochun presses a soft kiss to his forehead. And then the sound of footsteps bounces towards them once more. More than one set this time, and Junsu’s clinging to him once again as Changmin reappears.

He gazes through the glass at so many faces. His mother, looking confused. Upset. His brother looking bewildered, friends looking horrified and angry. But he doesn’t feel it anymore. No more bitterness. No more longing.

Need. The need for Junsu to get better. The need to be good. Time to be good now, no more bad, and he knows it as soon as he locks eyes with Changmin.

Understand. Please, understand. Everyone. Understand.

“We need to give him help.”

Yoochunah,

It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

I don’t know exactly how many months. Maybe even years. It’s not really the kind of thing they want me to keep track of. They like it when I keep track of my progress instead. That way I don’t feel like I’m rushing myself or something. And I guess being allowed to finally write you a letter has to count as some sort of progress, right?

Anyway, it’s not so bad here. The people are nice and they like to talk to me and listen whenever I talk to them. I told them all about you and the bus and the rain and they said that it was a nice story. Then I told them more, like how we used to sit on the couch together and snuggle and watch movies and how you used to sing to me in the dark.

I miss you. I miss all of it, and it’s hard for me to think about sometimes. Yoochunah, I don’t know how to explain it to you. It doesn’t feel like it was me. Putting you into the glass box, keeping you there for so long. It makes me sick to my stomach when I think about it.

They showed me why it wasn’t okay. Why it still isn’t okay. It will never be okay, and then they told me that you keep calling to check on me and it made me so happy. So happy, so lucky that you still love me. You still love me even though I’m bad, right? Well, I was bad. I was really bad, but now I’m going to try to be good.

They told me that I smile a lot more, and I started laughing, too. The people here are nice. I like talking to them.

Anyway, they gave me my picture back. The one of us a while ago, that we took in your apartment. My favorite one. They gave it back to me and they told me I’m getting better.

I’m getting better, Yoochunah. And that means that maybe soon, I’ll get to see you.

This time, I’ll be good. I promise.

I love you, Yoochunah.

- Junsu